Curses!
by EEevee
Summary: Well, there's freaky involve and it could be friday, but two members of the Juppongatana find out the hard way that proper offerings are a must. PG13 for lang.
1. Default Chapter

**Title:** Curses!  
  
**Author:** Eeevee  
  
**Genre:** humor/supernatural  
  
**Rating:** PG-13 (when is it not?) for words/implications/the usual  
  
**Summary:** Well, there's freaky involve and it could be friday, but two members of the Juppongatana find out the hard way that proper offerings are a must.  
  
**A/N:** First off! This is dedicated to **Carrie the Open Minded** because I won't "finish" Cuffs and Bears (yet?). It was also her idea! I just borrowed it! Okay, the prologue is short (xx very short for me!), but it'll get longer (I can't imagine it getting shorter). This WAS going to be a one-shot, but in true Eevee-fashion, it's probably going to be as long as Transgender (also originally a one-shot). You're forewarned! Also, so she won't complain, thank you _J (fyyrrose)_ for the encouragement and ideas!

* * *

**Prologue**  
  
A curious face peered downwards before retreating from view. It reappeared only to toss something down. There was a satisfying plunk as the pebble hit the surface of the inky water and sank below.  
  
"Would ya stop chuckin' stuff?" The blond snorted, sharpening an impressive blade with meticulous care. "Can't ya just sit still? Do ya hav'fta fidget all the time?"  
  
"Fidget? No, but maybe if you had let me browse a bit longer I'd be a little more tired!" His companion remarked sunnily and tossed another, larger pebble.  
  
"Fuck off." The blond grumbled, "Can't ya just be serious fer a second?"  
  
"Nope, too difficult for my short attention span."  
  
"I'll attentio' span ya." The man growled under his breath and squinted around, on the look out for the rest of them. Why were they so damn late anyway? Sticking him with this weirdo guy, girl, thing.  
  
"Hey Chou."  
  
"Wha'?"  
  
The other person gave a playful smirk and tapped at his lips with his index finger, "What would you wish for?"  
  
"Ya ta stop bein' so damnably weird?"  
  
"Really? That's a strange sort of wish."  
  
"Uh-huh. Well, what'bout wishin' you'd disappear then Kamatari?"  
  
Kamatari snickered and flipped his short hair, "Now isn't that mean?" He tilted his head and tossed another pebble down, "I'd be curious to know what goes on in your fuzzy head. That's almost like a wish, huh? And if you'd bother to see the world from my point of view, then you'd probably be a little more tolerant."  
  
"Would ya stop tossin' those dum' rocks down there? At least toss som' money." Chou snorted and sheathed his blade carefully.  
  
"Okay, lend me some?"  
  
"'Ell no!"  
  
Kamatari shrugged and dug through his stuff. He came up empty handed with a frown. Turning to the blond he pouted, "Pleeeeeeeeeeease? I don't want to offend the well!"  
  
"Like 'ell you don't! Ya just want to suck out meh money! No. Here." Chou threw in a wrapper for the food he had been eating. It floated down like a tattered, torn ship sail and landed lightly on the surface. "Happy?"  
  
"Uh, Chou?"  
  
"Wha' now? Yer so damn loud." Yes, it was naptime. Kamatari was giving him a headache, big time.  
  
"Your wrapper… I don't think it liked it. I think you should have offered a rice cake instead." Kamatari said and Chou turned around just in time to be smacked in the face by a wet, familiar wrapper.  
  
"And littering is bad." Kamatari added sweetly.  
  
BAM


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One: Declaration of War  
  
I opened my eyes. Man, what a fucking headache. Did I fall asleep? And why couldn't I move my damn legs? It was almost like they were tied together or something.  
  
"Here it is. Wow, there is a warning posted!" Damn that happy, overly polite voice. It could only belong to one person on Earth, because two people would tip the world balance and super nova the fucking sun. Like my fucking brain was doing right now. Super novaing that is. "Leaving appropriate offering. Misconduct and unsuitable offerings received with curses. Hmm, my, that sounds scary."  
  
I groaned. Yeah, just like that floating piece of paper. Where'd it go anyway? Last thing I remember was it blinding me with that scummy pond water. Phew, stinky shit.  
  
"Ah, Kamatari, such a funny time to take a nap. Lord Shishio is most displeased that you two are late, so he sent me to find you!"  
  
Kamatari? Was the freak sitting next to me or something? Well, he was probably tittering and shooting flower buds at my prone body. Shit, now I was in trouble. Being late with Shishio was asking for it. Begging actually.  
  
I tried to sit up and noticed something immediately. My hair. Where the hell was my hair! This couldn't be some sick joke… it couldn't. If someone, ahem, some jerk who wears woman's stuff, not to name any names, did something with my hair they were dead. Where they stood or sat or hung upside down for all I cared!  
  
"Kamatari, you must have been really tired to fall asleep on the ground."  
  
Uh-huh, why'd the kid keep saying that?  
  
I looked around and couldn't spot the guy. Who was Soujirou talking to exactly?  
  
While taking a look around I noticed two things almost simultaneously. Two very, very disturbing things.   
  
First off: that was MY body! What the hell was it doing all the way over there? Crumpled in a heap with a piece of paper stuck to it, might I add. Pathetic.  
  
The second thing was far more disturbing. I think my brain froze solid from the implications of it all. It couldn't possibly be true! Aww, shit. Did it have to be indigo? A nice, dark red would be nice. At least there weren't any cutesy, revolting petals all over the fabric. It also explained why I couldn't move my legs properly. Or my waist. Or breathe properly at the top. How did women wear these things? How did Kamatari wear these things and why?  
  
My body sat up and looked around. Then it started to laugh.   
  
I don't claim to be a genius, but I had a good guess who was animating it.  
  
"Are you two alright?" Soujirou asked in confusion, giving an innocent smile. Twerp. No, they were not okay! Not at all! No way, no fuckin' how.  
  
"Giv' it back!" I howled and jumped my body. There was a frantic scuffle and I realized that fighting with women's clothing was flat out evil. Even so, I was one determined, pissed transposed soul. It only took a few seconds to grab myself by the collar and start shaking heartily, "Now!"  
  
"I can't do that!" Kamatari yelped in my voice. Did I really sound like that? Fuck. Oh well, no time for worrying about shit like that. He gave a sly smile, which was very disturbing to see on my face. Had I thought that word enough? No? Disturbing, disturbing, disturbing. Shocking, disgusting, disquieting… no, just disturbing. No stupid little word did the whole issue justice. "You made someone mad."  
  
"No I didn'!" I shouted back, dropping my prey.  
  
"Explain this then."  
  
"Uh… you two are acting very peculiar. Are you sure you are fine?"  
  
"Just peachy Sou-chan." Kamatari chirped, confusing the kid even more. The brat knew I'd never call him "Sou-chan." Disgusting. "Kamatari and I just have a problem. It should work itself out eventually!"  
  
Eventually?!! And 'Kamatari and I?' Oh-heeeeeeeeell-no, I didn't like the sound of that. No way I was role-playing as a cross dresser.  
  
"Well, Kamatari, ya shoul' pick up yer weapon."   
  
Okay, what the hell was THAT?   
  
Soujirou blinked, utterly lost. He gave us both a nervous smile, "Ah, I think we should be going."  
  
"Sure." Kamatari said, not even trying to copy my normal speech pattern. This was doomed to embarrassment. He sidled up to the younger boy and dropped his speech to a loud whisper, "Can you keep a secret?"  
  
Soujirou nodded, like he didn't trust himself to speak.  
  
"I'm not really Chou."  
  
No kidding!  
  
Unless I was possessed by a deranged spirit that made me act moronic, that definitely wasn't me. Anyone with ears could tell.  
  
"Uh…"  
  
Kamatari gave me a wink. Again, disturbing.  
  
"You see—." Before Kamatari could finish his sentence another wonderful, invited guest appeared. I have nothing against Anji. Well, I think he's a bit fanatically and righteously stupid. Not that I could do anything about it. Not my business really. Well, as long as he kept it to himself. Not all of us were appreciative of dramatic, traumatic pasts that led the goodies to the dark side.  
  
I mean, did anyone actually CARE?  
  
He was on our side and that's that!  
  
Really, I don't know WHY those guys had to have a reason. Wasn't power and the chance to have fun with the blade ample reasons to be with Shishio? Well, they were for me.  
  
The hulk didn't say anything, which suited me just fine.  
  
"Mister Anji." Soujirou greeted politely and Kamatari rolled my eyes behind the fallen monk's back. He looked between the three of us, "We should really go now."  
  
"Lead on." Kamatari said, somehow managing to sound, well not normal, but not too bad in front of Anji. Not like the guy'd notice anyhow.  
  
Before he could prance off with my body, I grabbed an arm.  
  
"'isten her' you." I hissed in his—my? – ear. This was getting confusing. "Ain't ya even the tinies' bit worried?"  
  
He looked at me and blinked, as if worrying had never even occurred to him. It wasn't like he changed bodies every fuckin' day! What was with the nonchalance?  
  
"Should I be? It's a curse, right? Either we break it or it will wear off." He replied confidently. And was that a SASHY in MY walk? Nooooooooooooo. "I think."  
  
"Ya thin'! That ain't comfortin'."  
  
"Well, I'm not entirely sure." Kamatari confessed. "Maybe we should work out a plan to break it?"  
  
"Stupid well." I muttered, but didn't kick it like I wanted to.  
  
"It was your fault!" He laughed. Okay, mental note: the freak was off his rocker. He shouldn't be all sunny and shit. He should be freaked out like I am! So wrong.  
  
"It wasn'!" I protested hotly, wanting to shake him silly— well, sillier. How was this my fault? Did I ASK for this? No! Did I WANT this? Are you kidding! Besides, he was the one that insisted we wait here for the brat, not me. He was the one playing around and chucking pebbles in, not me. How was this MY fault? "Rules."  
  
"Rules?" He quiered, slightly cocking his head. A slow, sinister smile (was my face really that creepy?) spread across and he nodded, "Rules. Umm, what did you have in mind?"  
  
"No dresses."  
  
"Not even pretty ones?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Are you two really okay?" Soujirou asked, looking back anxiously.  
  
"Grand!" I barked back, urging him to mind his own damn business, or Shishio's business, or whatever! Just so long as it wasn't mine or my body's. Lowering my voice vengefully, I did my best baleful glare.  
  
He laughed!  
  
Okay, that was not the result I was looking for!   
  
"You look like you're pouting!" Kamatari twittered gleefully, "I'm so cute!"  
  
Cute?!! No way. Freakish.  
  
"Ya and yer ego may be 'cute'," I made sure to put venom into that. Cute should never be an adjective used to describe a human being. Bunny-things or baby chicks, yeah, maybe. I personally liked them better as dinner. A matter of taste I suppose. Kamatari seemed like the time to cuddle, I winced at that thought word, and coddle any beasts, rather than doing the sensible thing and eating them. "But I want meh body back."  
  
"Fine, fine." He replied, waving my calloused hand in a cavalier fashion. My, er his, fingers itched to reach across my body, drag out one of my many blades, and end it all. Except then I'd be stuck in his body. Well, that would be stupid. I was slow, not stupid. Dense, not dumb. And pissed as hell to be even thinking. Life was much more simple when I could kill something and get paid. Oh, and eat. And sleep. Those were the finest things in life anyway. "So what do you suggest? I must tell you, I'm rather clueless about curses."  
  
"Including the one ya were born wit'." I muttered rebelliously under my breath. Cruel, yes, but true.  
  
"Well, I guess it can't be helped. We'll just have to find out how to break it." Did I hear some repetition? Couldn't he come up with something better than that? Huh?   
  
Then he gave a devilish smile, "But in the meantime—."  
  
"No!"  
  
This time it was Anji who turned to look. Soujirou was up ahead, barely in sight. He was probably wondering how to ditch the crazies. Not that we didn't all have our ways to get back to Shishio anyway. One way or another each and every one of us knew how to find him. The little messenger boy just made things a bit easier, swifter. If he weren't already so fucked in the head, I'd imagine this was doing a mental number.  
  
"It's not like you have a choice."   
  
Why'd he have to make so much sense? Where was the flirty airhead I loathed and got irate with?  
  
"Ya better not touch the hair." I growled trying to appear as threatening as possible. Now, how threatening could I actually be in this girly body? That just made me try all the harder. "If'n ya do, I'll have to take meh revenge."  
  
This seemed to amuse the little bastard quite a bit.  
  
"What pray tell would you do? I have all your pretty knives."  
  
"Swords!"  
  
"Yes, those things. I have them and you don't. I don't imagine you're well versed in hand-to-hand like dear Anji."  
  
Fingers curled. I bet I could figure out well enough how to strangle the life out of him. It didn't seem all that hard.  
  
"I hav' yer scythe."  
  
"Mm hmm, yes, you do."  
  
Narrowing my/his eyes, I glared. Now just what did that mean? Damn girly-man, playing with word games.   
  
To prove my point I grabbed the thing. Now, I had picked it up when we left the well. Apparently carrying and using was not the same thing at all. The first move, retrieving it to an offensive position set me off-kilter. The second, the actual clumsy swing sent me spinning. That in turn made me trip over a rock. Suddenly I was in a jumble on the ground.  
  
"Fuck!" And just for good measures, "Fuck fuck fuck!"  
  
"It's a bit heavy." He said sweetly, offering me a hand up. I smacked it aside and dragged myself up into a crouch, staring at the weapon with mistrust. I love weapons, but I had always tended to favor blades and swords. This strange hafted-weapon apparently had a different set of rules attached. That was no problem. I would just grab a sword and finish the job.  
  
Right. And I would do that how?  
  
With a suddenly lunge, I made a grab for one of my babies.  
  
Kamatari fell back in surprise, landing on his butt. Well, there was no small satisfaction in that.  
  
Of course, even I could see that when he got up he wasn't a happy camper, if that murderous look was any indication. And damn did it look good on my face! No pout there. Just flat out red-glazed rage… and I was happy about this. That curse must have done a number on me too.  
  
There was a swift zing as I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of several blades.  
  
With an undignified yelp I scrambled to the side, feeling one of the blades cut open my cheek. Another scar for me.  
  
"Wah! My face!" Kamatari squawked. My lower voice didn't quite get up in the decibles, which thrilled me. "That's going to scar!"  
  
"Don' blame meh! Yer the one using my babies like throwin' 'nives!" I screamed back, collecting my abused blades.  
  
He suddenly looked rather sheepish, "They're too light. What do you expect? All I was doing was taking them out and whoosh! They flew out of my grip."  
  
Did he have to say it in a way that made me sound so weak? So my swords didn't weight a freakin' hundred pounds or out do me in height by a foot or so. That didn't make them pussy weapons. They simply took more skill that slamming a big stick/chain combo around. Yes, they required skill. And proper, tender care. None of this chucking them around.   
  
I stared at one of my favorites and paled.   
  
Now look what he'd done. It was dull.  
  
Heedless of the time, place, and audience, I plunked down in the middle of the road. Pulling out a sharpening stone I set to work. This was abuse. Abuse of my precious sword.  
  
Stealing my body, voice, and face was hardly polite, but messing with my blades only meant one thing: WAR.  
  
**_A/N_:** Here's the next chapter and I didn't make you guys wait too long! Writing Chou in first person is hard (especially since I don't usually write first person or Chou). Sorry, pure, unedited chapter.  
  
Fyyrrose: They should be terrified straight face. Even more so considering that I'm writing this right now. And it involves 2 (4 specifically) guys. No one will die however... I'll save the killing for Strays or HS (kidding!... or not). Playing with the Gods isn't too bright. I read "Pompeii" this weekend and I was laughing through most of it. Good novel though.  
  
Rurouni hunter: Here's another, longer chapter!  
  
MissBehavin: Ah, but we love Chou, don't we? Just like we love Hiko - Hehe, Chou's none too happy about this and it'll only go downhill from here! I was rereading Transgender and I was soooooo mean. So this will probably turn out rather evil too.  
  
sekihoutai: Mwaha, update Chou's interesting, so hopefully I'm writing him IC. Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! I'll get around to writing a proper e-mail thank you soon .;;  
  
Caitlin: I agree, there are not nearly enough fics around about them! I'm a bit biased, since Kamatari is one of my fav. chars. 


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

* * *

"Ah, Kamatari?"   
  
I looked in amusement as Chou didn't get the message. So simple. He just kept forgetting that he was in my body. It was natural for Sou-chan to think that I was me.  
  
"Kamatari!" I growled in mock annoyance. That made him jerk his head up. The expression on my face was priceless. I must really ask him how he did that. It was so cute! "Can we go?"  
  
I decided to forgo the accent. After traveling around for most of my life I didn't really have a discernable accent, which made faking one very difficult. Oh well.  
  
He carefully picked up the blade he was nurturing and handed it back warily.  
  
"No touchin' the swords." He snarled under his breath. Really, it's not my fault they were so light! I'm used to using my scythe after all. I'd never had much interest in swords. They were for samurais and people like Lord Shishio, not peasants. Or at least that's how I was raised to view them. There was a good reason I was so adept at using a scythe and why it was my choice weapon despite it's heavy weight and ungainly size.  
  
It amused me immensely that he couldn't use the scythe. I'm sure he was blaming it on his lack of knowledge, wondering how he could fail at such a seemingly easy looking weapon. I'd just let him think that.  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it." I mouthed back cheekily and slid the swords back into the scabbards he indicted. I wouldn't want to accidentally skewer someone. There was one or two I'd love to hit "accidentally." That manipulative bitch who hung all over my Lord Shishio for starters.  
  
"Ya better not." He huffed, pocketing his stone and grabbing my scythe with ill grace. He was making me look bad. Maybe I should at least teach him the basics. After all, who knew how long this would last.  
  
Despite my insistence that I knew nothing, I knew quite a bit about curses. Not specifically about wells per se, but curses in general. Usually they were to teach a lesson to insolent mortals. Sounds bad to begin with, but since Chou was foolish enough to do something so degrading, I think this one might be a bit more sever. I didn't have any idea how to break it or how long it would last.  
  
I sighed at that thought. I didn't want to be stuck in this unsexy, masculine body forever. The shoulders were too broad and the hips too boxy. Not to mention I couldn't even fake a bust line, despite all my skills. Make-up would be useless, considering his facial structure. There was no doubt about it. Chou was built like a man.  
  
Which was great, really… for him anyway. I'm sure the ladies found him very, er, manful and attractive. Well, his body anyway. Assuming he liked ladies. And that he didn't scare them away with his rude mouth and bad manners and awfully unhygienic habits. Rain did not take the place of a shower and licking swords that had been used recently to slice someone open was just disgusting.  
  
Which reminded me. I had just bought some interesting foreign soap in one of the little shops. Chou's body needed it far more than mine did. Whew, I could smell him. How could he live with that?  
  
A little lilac smell would do wonders.  
  
I didn't even want to think of the task ahead of me. I got the feeling that some parts of this body needed lots of work. Geez, I was making myself ill just thinking of it. Yes, a bath was in order, definitely. And since I was forbidden woman's clothing I would simply have to use a bit of creativity. His clothes probably had been washed about the time the rest of him had.  
  
Feeling eyes on me, I turned remembering just in time that Chou didn't give disarming, cheery smiles. Hastily rearranging my face I turned. I just couldn't get over how cute I looked when Chou was trying his hardest to coax a threatening look out of my softer features. Plus I could tell it was frustrating him big time.  
  
"Yes? Did you need something?"  
  
Eyes narrowed defensively and he replied, "Yer plottin' somethin'."  
  
"Pardon? I don't plot; I think. You plot. Well, as much as you can call plotting. I bet you really don't think past your stomach and swords a vast majority of the time. Besides, why would I do something sneaky and devious? That takes too much effort."  
  
He glared. Apparently I had failed to convince him of my innocent intentions. Well, there was a difference between lying and leaving stuff out. Since I had a hunch he would strenuously object to smelling "girly" aka nice, I simply wouldn't tell him what I planned to do.  
  
Was that so wrong?  
  
"Uh-huh, yer lookin' like yer plottin'. Meh face, 'member?"  
  
True enough. I suppose he would know his own facial expressions.  
  
A devious thought struck.  
  
Would he know this one?  
  
"Urgh! Don' do that!" He shuddered and stepped back. I did it again, just for effect. Except the second time I put a little more emphasis on the eyes by batting the lashes at an interesting, erratic pace and wiggled the hips a bit more. Just to draw some attention to the correct places.   
  
By now my antics had caught the attention of several townsfolk (who I assume had been going on their honest way before becoming unwitting victims in this little spat), Anji, and poor Sou-chan. He just looked so confused with a silly, hesitant smile on his face. Anji… he didn't look so confused, or amused for that matter. Sometimes it was hard to tell. Not that it mattered since he lacked a vital aspect: a sense of humor.  
  
"'Ey, stop it, dam' ya!"  
  
Ooo, this was fun… and rather mean… but fun! Oh, and humiliating.  
  
I gave my best devilish grin in response to his demands and wiggled a big more. I must say it was an interesting experience. He wasn't nearly so nimble as I was used to and much bulkier. That's okay; I like challenges.  
  
"What? You don't think this is appropriate?" I asked playfully, dancing back out of reach. Making a provocative motion that had mother's covering their children's eyes, I smirked. Eat this sword-boy.  
  
"Dam' ya!" He howled and lunged like a rabid beast. Really, what was all this fuss about? So I made a few motions, it's not like they were lewd or anything! Well, not too much so. I could do worse.  
  
"Gimme yer sword!" He demanded of poor Sou-chan. The boy protectively put his body between the crazie and his katana. Rightly so in my opinion. For starters, I wasn't supposed to even know how to use a sword. If I were Sou-chan I'd be worried about some idiot chopping off a toe or finger because they didn't know what they were doing. I mean, if me tossing around Chou's "babies" wasn't proof enough! Secondly, he was all but slavering at the mouth. Not very flattering.  
  
"Kamatari…"  
  
"Jus' do it!" Chou growled, glancing over at me with, dare I say, hate-filled eyes? Or loathful? Nope, how about homicidal and murderous. Wow, my face could look quite scary with the right motivation. I'd have to remember that for later. Provided I lived.   
  
Then again, what was he going to do? Skewer his own body? Hehe, nope. I was safe in my Chou-turtle-shell. Safe and very daring to say the least. Might as well live it up while I could.  
  
Dredging up a completely perverted song I had picked up in a local gambling hall, I started bellowing it out while making the motions that went along with it. Well, most of the song involved two people and, uh, you know. So the motions were pretty one-sided, but the looks of horror and/or amusement from the by-standers let me know I was right on the bulls' eye. They got the picture, crystal-clear. So did Chou.  
  
"Yer so dead!" He blazed, making a ton of rude, wrathful gestures. "When I catch ya, I'll strangle ya with this… thing!" He plucked at my clothing, "Then I'll strip ya bare and shave ya bald."  
  
Now, I wasn't sure if this occurred to him yet, but he would be doing this to his body, not mine. If he really thought about it and was having a good day, the idea might connect that the best way to get back at me would be to shave MY head bald. Ah, you've got to enjoy and appreciate the slower people of the world sometimes.  
  
Which didn't mean I was going to appreciate him sitting still where he could catch me. Oh no, I was already blazing past Sou-chan. The poor boy was still looking a bit shocked. Then again, when was the last time Chou had run or teased someone or made such vulgar motions?  
  
I ducked down a twisty alley and easily leapt over a low fence. I could hear him cursing and cussing me out. Uh-huh, threats weren't exactly motivating me to reveal myself. Not that there was too much he could do. After all, we were still on the same "team." Not to mention I had all his precious babies. Maybe I should remind him of that fact. Hostages were never a bad thing.  
  
Deciding the he'd probably be pretty angry for… well, a long time, I doubled back and skirted the rough shouts and death threats.  
  
"Did I miss anything?" I ask, walking back up. Anji gave a dark stare and Sou-chan piped up, "Uh, are you sure you're not sick?"  
  
Um-hm, and that sentence really ended with an implied 'in the head?'  
  
"I'm fine, really. Just not myself completely right now. Out of my mind temporarily is all."  
  
Okay, now he was backing up. Really, so Chou had some problems. This couldn't be that bad, right? No considering some of the other nut-jobs out there.  
  
Sighing, I decided not to drag out the fun. Gaining Sou-chan and Anji's attention, I informed them of our little predicament.  
  
"…And now we're switched. Oh, and if you see him coming and he still looks very angry, let me know."  
  
Sou-chan pointed, "He is coming, but he does not look—that is new…"  
  
Holy… well, whatever it was, it wasn't near holy!  
  
"What did you DO?!!" I shrieked. What else could I do? The made looked like he'd played with an especially large pig in a fireplace. And that pig slobbered on my hair, making it stick up with piggy-spit and being chewed ragged in some places.  
  
"Wha'?" He slurred and I noticed he was sporting several slap prints and the beginning of a shiner. That better not mark up my face permanently. For that I would have to kill him. Slowly. By peeling the skin off layer at a time and roasting him like a piece of pork.  
  
"You…" I sputtered, furiously. Grabbing a sword from the stash that this body seemed to be, I held it where he could see it. His eyes widened at the implications. Baby, just what was he thinking here?  
  
Ignoring his panicked attempt to reach me, I pointed the sharp end at him. Yes, the sharp end. I knew that much about swords.  
  
He did a comical skid and paused to eye me around the sword point.  
  
"I want my body back." I announced. I didn't mind the new residence short-term, but he was trashing the old one! I would need a deposit if he insisted on continuing with his destruction.  
  
"Well ya, meh too!" He snapped and gulped when the point hovered a bit nearer. Really, when was the guy going to realize I wasn't going to scar myself? Oh well.  
  
"Meanwhile, you're not to scar or hurt my face. I know your mug is rather, well, to put it bluntly, very hideous. Mine, however, is rather beautiful and it needs to stay like that. No marks, understood?" I said all of this slowly, so he'd get it better. I wondered if his brain stopped developing halfway through his childhood. Well, or how many times he was dropped on his head as a poor baby.  
  
A sliver of comprehension crossed his/my face and I narrowed my eyes. I also decided that deceit did not suit my features very well.  
  
"Make meh."  
  
"Oh dear, how childish!" I protested in mock horror. "Listen you prick," Sou-chan made a little noise at that one. What? Can't a guy be a bit vicious in self-defense? "You're forgetting one very important detail. I have all your sharpened scrap with me. Are you with me here? I wonder how much, say this sword," I pulled one of the smaller ones out, "Is worth. To you."  
  
Let him mull that one over.  
  
"One scratch on my face is one nick on your baby. Starting with this one here."  
  
He nodded mutely.  
  
"I knew you were a smart boy." I remarked, putting the stupid thing away. Really, these things were nothing but trouble. Then again, having a leash on the man would only be a good thing.  
  
"Fucker."  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
He just glared at me.  
  
"If your are done, we have delayed long enough." Anji reminded, looking slightly uncomfortable. Well, let the big guy be a bit uncomfortable. Being all stotic-like all the time wasn't good for anyone. He needed to try lightening up on occasion. That and getting rid of the soot on his face. He kept scaring little children on the street.  
  
Sou-chan looked a bit guilty, "Lord Shishio is going to be displeased."  
  
A mutual shiver went between Chou and I, but for different reasons. He was probably terrified. I, on the other hand, was excited.  
  
"Whatcha lookin' like that fer?"  
  
"Let's go meet Lord Shishio!" I said, ignoring him. In truth, what could I say? If the guy hadn't figured out my infatuation with Lord Shishio yet then he really was dropped on his head. Uh-huh, and I just hoped he wouldn't look down because it definitely was a man's body.  
  
A/N: Blame/praise my evil mood because of my uncle dragging me out of the shower for this chapter. Sorry this is taking so long to update. Oh, and my brother for the "Kamatari is like Micheal Jackson" comment (killed him already).  
  
nonameyet: I'll probably end up dragging in several more characters - But yes, there are practically no stories on them. I don't know why not, but oh well. Too many Kenshin stories probably.  
  
sekihoutai: Sexy? Then I did my job right (I think?). War is the correct term :) Kamatari just had to recognize it for what it was first. Hair or swords, hm, that's a rather limited scope There are just toooooooo many things...  
  
Fyyrrose: It's my usual 6. Only BSR and HS are long chapters -.-; Yes, great to tor- er, portray! Especially Hiko. Hey, the only OCs I have are in HS. Just Ren, Stephen, Ms. Amy, and Ray the trucker evil laugh. If I woke in another person's body I'd start raising hell ;; As for the bath, I think you and Kamatari are on the same page there. Gaah, get off! beats with fish book Yes, yes, your baby will have his part. Like I could forget the little psycho? To Raven: Yes, he's as he should be. Before Kenshin broke his sanity, left him without beliefs, and walked off. You know, that was kind of a cruel thing to do. Oh well. J: I'm glad you like Kamatari's "high self esteem" He would need it, all things considered. And guinea pigs! You're sick and you can't eat my fish! Not like they're big enough. Integra and Hiro will get about a foot eventually... in a year maybe. As for the "bonding" starts laughing I don't think that'll work too well after all the blood shed. 


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
I just stared in confusion. This was definitely getting very weird. I mean, even for them.  
  
"Coming Sou-chan?"   
  
And why couldn't I stop jumping every time I heard that come out of "Chou's" mouth? Well, aside from the fact that we would all be shocked into silence the minute something resembling any sort of honorific actually graced Chou's lips… Let alone –chan.  
  
I glanced over at Anji and noted he looked just as uneasy as I felt. Of course, neither of us showed it… much… really.  
  
"Uh… yes." I said, deciding that maybe the only safe place was where I was before. In front and almost out of sight. Somehow I had this sinking feeling that I was going to be dragged into this mess one way or another. Not something I was looking forward to very much.  
  
Luckily we made it back with no major issues. Kamatari and Chou had pooled together and occasionally there would be an unnaturally loud scream or an especially explicit curse as they… discussed their dilemma.  
  
"…Fuck no! I ain't gonna stop."  
  
"But it's so unbecoming! Who wants to listen to someone with a vocabulary that they learned from a whole port of sailors?" Kamatari… well, that's what I'll call him, since technically it was his mind, if not his voice… pointed out smugly. "You simply must reign in your temper."  
  
"What 'bout ya? Little foo-foo, girly language? Prick ain't 'zactly lady-like." Chou retorted hotly.  
  
"Well you were and still are, but that's not the point. It was a slip. Generally I don't run around spewing profanities all over."  
  
"Well ya are now."  
  
"Don't you even…"  
  
"Fuck, fuck it, mother fucker, fucking, fuck you, God damn it, shit, bastard, prick, asshole, jackass, bitch, whore, hell… mmmpph!"  
  
"Ouch! Don't bite me. That's unhygienic!"  
  
Did I say no major issues…?  
  
"…Ya puttin' a hand over meh mouth was askin' fer it!"  
  
"Next time it will be some hot peppers or soap. I hear that's how gaijin punish naughty children with potty mouths."  
  
"Try it, damn ya!"  
  
"I'll do more than that. And I'm telling you now: I have an excellent sense of taste. Peppers and my taste buds are arch enemies."  
  
"Heh."  
  
Oh boy.  
  
I was happy to escape back towards my preferred dose of insanity.   
  
"So everyone is here?"  
  
"Yes Shishio-sama." I said with a gesture of respect. "Shall I tell them to appear for a meeting?"  
  
Not that it did much, considering that he was a dictator. Then again, none of us minded taking orders from him much. Accept Usui, but he was more of a freak than the rest of us put together, so he really didn't count much.  
  
He gave a slight nod of accent, then turned to say something to Yumi. I took that as a very clear dismissal.  
  
I sped off to find everyone… oh boy again. This day was turning out to be rather vexing and scary. I had completely forgotten Chou and Kamatari! What would Shishio-sama make of it?  
  
At least a few decent (not to mention entirely plausible) scenarios whizzed through my head. None of them were very pleasant.   
  
Slowing to a walk, I shook my head. There was just no way they could hide this from Shishio-sama.   
  
"…You know what? I don't like you."  
  
"Ditto ta that."  
  
"And why can't I make you look a bit nicer? I did promise no woman's clothing. That should be good enough." There was a long pause and a sniff, "Besides, these clothes are not only unfashionable, but they also smell like YOU."  
  
"'Ey! What's that suppos'd ta mean?"  
  
All the training in the world couldn't curb the impulse I had at that moment. So I caved. I smacked myself on the forehead with my palm in exasperation.  
  
The two turned, startled.  
  
"Are you alright Sou-chan? Does Shishio-sama need something?"  
  
Chou rolled his/Kamatari's eyes and snorted, "'Taint what yer hopin' fer."  
  
Kamatari growled and swatted at him. "You pervert. Keep your mind out of the gutter."  
  
"'Cuz one of us hasta." Chou grumbled under his breath. "Yer the horny one."  
  
I said nothing, just cleared my throat, "Shishio-sama would like everyone to attend a meeting actually." I turned to leave only to belatedly realize that I had already rounded everyone else up. I really had no choice but to accompany the two to the meeting.  
  
Without waiting for the other two, I set off purposefully. And that would be a hint to follow. Which they did… Loudly, while being extremely quarrelsome. And this must be the reason they never associated with each other much before. Because they couldn't stand one another.  
  
As we entered the room I noticed a distinctly evil look on, well, Kamatari's face. Uh-oh.  
  
Apparently the real Kamatari noticed it as well. He sidled up to me, looking slightly nervous. But I must be imagining that because he never looked nervous. Just like I never frowned.  
  
"He's up to something." I had to agree.  
  
What happened next had to be the most personal battle to date.  
  
"I don't love you Shishio-sama." Chou declared loudly in Kamatari's body. Of course, heads turned so fast you could hear necks cracking in protest and I swear Shishio-sama looked a bit… annoyed? I was just surprised that he managed to say that with almost no trace of an accent.  
  
"Sit down."  
  
"That's right you excuse for an idiot." Kamatari hissed in rage, "Sit your ass down before I kill you."  
  
"Aw shut it."  
  
"Chou!" Kamatari snarled, "Did you forget something? I have your babies. Unless you want them to be turned into steel for kitchen knives, you need to shut up!"  
  
By now there were several confused faces, minus Yumi and Shishio-sama. Hoji looked like he was going to fall over from shock. His pinched features were so… well, pinched, that it was amazing you could even make them out.  
  
"So you finally admit it." Yumi purred, looking incredibly pleased by the declaration. A smirk covered her face and she added, "It's never a bad thing to admit that you're outclassed and outmaneuvered. It'll just spare you humiliation later."  
  
"Bitches." Kamatari fumed. It actually came out quite vicious with Chou's deeper voice. "You two planned this, didn't you?"  
  
"'Taint nothin' ya didn't deserve."  
  
And Shishio-sama apparently thought to have his meeting another day, because he left. Not that anyone besides myself noticed.  
  
In fact, I was ready to follow my lord's example when a hand clamped down lightly on my shoulder in an overly friendly manner.  
  
Dang it.  
  
Somehow I didn't think wiggling away would work very well. Not to mention it would be slightly childish. However, I really didn't want to be used as a weapon in this sneaky war that had begun. Not even for Kamatari.  
  
Giving a slight cough, I said in a fake chipper tone, "Shouldn't you two be working together? It would seem to be in your mutual best interests."  
  
"Why the hell fer?" Chou spat, "That bastar' started it! Him 'n' his stoopid well."  
  
"You threw the wrapper down there! Not me!" Kamatari protested vigorously, while trying to sidle towards Yumi. What he was planning to do I didn't really want to find out. I knew he wouldn't touch his own body, but Yumi was fair game… more than fair game I realized as I thought about it. Since Kamatari was in Chou's body he could achieve far more strength, not to mention when they switched he would be blameless. Poor Chou. He was in way over his head. Okay, maybe I was overanalyzing this and Kamatari hadn't considered that aspect… right.  
  
What thought came next should have promptly ignored, really, but Shishio-sama would be most vexed if anything happened to Yumi.  
  
I positioned myself between them, Yumi just figuring out she her beauty was in mortal danger, and tried to reason. Unfortunately I'm a fighter. My peacemaking skills… well, what skills? Reason, right, try reason, I coached myself. It was hard to think reason when you're being stalked by an angry, transposed soul.  
  
"Kamatari, stop." I commanded with a smile. Chou's body paused and eyed me considering. "You cannot harm Yumi."  
  
He gave a shark grin, "Whatever gave you that idea? Sou-chan, it's not "harming", it's "helping." Starting with getting rid of that awful green lipstick… and maybe some lips too, but that's not the point."  
  
Hoji was looking ready to keel over. His beady eyes kept sliding between us.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" He screamed, near a conniption fit.  
  
Silence.  
  
"You see…"  
  
"No nonononono!" He mumbled, grabbing his hair, ignoring Kamatari's tentative beginning of an explanation. "This can't be happening. What is Shishio-sama going to do? They've all finally snapped. No! The nutcases have crack. You can't control those kinds of people or scare them. They're useless! How? Why? Why did this happen?" At those words he kind of collapsed in the corner and started rocking slowly and incessantly.   
  
"Ooo, I don't think that's good for him." Kamatari said, looking slightly disturbed. Chou nodded, "Yeah."  
  
Looking around, I realized that most everyone had taken that distraction as an escape. Which left silly me, too stupid to run.  
  
"That was a cheap trick." Kamatari said to Chou, blocking the only exit. He tapped his lips mischievously, "It demands that there is some payback."  
  
Chou looked very nervous. People didn't ANNOUNCE they were coming after you. When they did something like that, it usually wasn't good. Which is why I really, really needed to get out of there.  
  
Kamatari dug in a bag he had pulled from somewhere and started stripping. It wasn't complete with fancy movements, but Chou started sputtering, "'Ey…'ey!"  
  
Kamatari stopped and eyed us, as if just realizing he had an audience, "So you like to watch? Well, it'll take a moment."  
  
"Wat—no!" Chou shrieked and Kamatari tossed the garments off to the side.  
  
"Well, that's the only thing I can think of when you're staring like that. Do you watch yourself in the mirror too?"  
  
Chou made a gurgling sound of outrage and pointed at his body accusingly, "Yer puttin' on women's clothin'."  
  
"So I am. It's very tasteful however, since I doubted you'd approve of sakura blossoms and such. I think gold and black suit your complexion very nicely."  
  
"Tasteful meh ass!"  
  
Kamatari blinked disarmingly and looked at his rear, "Yes, it's very tasteful for your obscenely large butt."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why? Because I'm going out of course."  
  
"Oh no ya ain't!"  
  
"To the red light district."  
  
"'Ell no!"  
  
"Sou-chan should come with us too."  
  
Uh-uh, I didn't want to go with them.  
  
"Yer not goin' in public like that."  
  
"You can't stop me."  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
"Make me stop then."  
  
This was digressing into a mud fight with two five year old boys.  
  
"Fin'. 'M goin' too. An' I'll score meh some with the ladies,"  
  
"Knock yourself out." Kamatari said, completely unconcerned. He was concentrating on the obi. "Just be very careful of Minka-san. She really doesn't like me. I hold you responsible if you two get in a fight and damage my pretty face." At that he made his point by pulling out a blade and flourishing it.  
  
"Yah ain't doin' nuffin' with meh body." Chou growled. Did that really just occur to him. Why else would Kamatari want to go there? And why did I have to go?  
  
"Me? Of course I am, silly. I have needs too." Kamatari clucked and considered, "Besides if all you're worried about is position…"  
  
"Shut up!" Hoji screamed from the corner, his eyes looking slightly bloodshot and his mouth bared in a snarl, "I don't want to hear about your pathetic, screwed up love lives!"  
  
"We'll just leave you alone then Hoji-san." Kamatari said, grabbing my upper arm and shoving Chou's back to propel us out the door. Once out he gave a solemn look, "He's snapped. I wonder if it's lasting damage from having his brains fried."  
  
A/N: And "knock yourself out" is credit to my Aunt Kerry because she told my cousin to shave her head . Teenagers can be so obnixous. It is written... and posted! Yay. And I don't work today, which makes me happy. Also, this will NOT be R -- I hope. No yaoi either. Tell me if you think it needs to be bumped up though. Woah, my fish just tried to commit suicide (he jumped out of the tank). Sorry, random... he's still alive, the lucky turkey. And I put the lid down. No more suicides/  
  
Rurouni hunter: Wanna know something shocking? I used to update some of my other fics twice a week. How far I have fallen, but at least it doesn't take half a year like some people! Yay for me. Chou and Kamatari give me plenty of material to work off of and I use people I know for inspiration, so I can't take all the credit   
  
Wistful-Eyes: I wonder too - They won't wiggle out like Aoshi did with the pig. Her, him, you can use either with me. I think "she'd" consider it a high compliment. And Chou will figure out/exploit Kamatari's vanity eventually. Chou annoys me... a lot. But his swords are cool, yep. As for "attractive" I say nothing starts laughing  
  
MissBehavin: I know. Poor Kamatari, he might die from the exposure! Well, you'll see next chapter - Poor Chou's on the losing end, but he's kind of dense, so I don't think he's realized it yet. I keep thinking of those blades as children when the term "hostage" is used LOL. Kenshin would rather psychobabble his way out of things. Blackmail and leverage don't exist in his world I don't think.   
  
Fyyrrose: You're excellent at being there... I'd give you a hug, but yeah (: That's not happening. PDA!!! XD should be scared. You know that once you get those swords that Raven has real weapons to use on him if he messes with Soujirou? There's not much Chou can do about it though. Besides, 'Tari's just bluffing... for now - Koi are stupid fish. I don't like them. But the white ones are gorgeous. Yep, it's the swords for me. I don't even think it's a "I-feel-sorry-for-you" way. It's more like, could you put a bag over your head please? Okay, the "I'm too sexy..." song pops up when you say that .;;; I have nothing to do with the turtles!!! Except comparing Susumu to one at the beginning of HS. Tari's down time is next chapter :) Two words: soap and sleepwalking.  
  
sekihoutai: You have to admit that Chou isn't drop dead sexy or even... well, okay, he's ugly .;; But he has his charms... or maybe just a bunch of cool swords. Soujirou isn't off the hook yet :) The poor kid's far more tramuatized by this than his past O.o;; 


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four  
  
I considered as we walked down the street why Hoji had gone crazy. It wasn't a good thing you know. He was our strategist. Shishio-sama was a top class fighter, but he tended to be blind to certain angles. Hoji was a little shrew. He exploited things. We needed him. Sane preferably. Oh well. Too late.  
  
"Kamatari-san, should we have left Hoji-san sitting in the corner like that?"  
  
Good question.  
  
"Sure. He ain't nuffin' but a pompous asshole."  
  
"Wow, you said a big word." I chirped, hiding my concern for the freak we'd left in a fetal position. Turning left on a side alley I couldn't help adding, "And then you denoted it by cussing. Really, how hard is it to keep control of your language? You can't possibly be as dense as you pretend, can you? If so, I pity your parents. You must have been a troublesome child."  
  
He made a disagreeable noise and pouted. Really, I look so cute pouting. Eww. I freely admit I'm weird, but that's just sick. Sick thoughts. I had distracted myself so efficiently that I missed the turn.  
  
Stopping abruptly caused Chou to smash into the back of me. It was kind of funny when he bounced off my back. I'd never realized how big he was. Of course, I knew my own body's frailty and femininity, but even so, that was a bit of a shock that such a simple hit could stumble my body.  
  
"Oops, sorry about that." I said sheepishly, "I was distracted."  
  
He glared at me for a moment then looked away muttering, "Yeah, watever." Being my sunny, positive self, I think I realized what had sparked the well and decided to learn from it. Ooo, well I wasn't going to enlighten Chou about it. Not for awhile yet. But this certainly would teach me to watch my idle words! Not that I generally walked around offending spirits and earning curses.  
  
"Yer goin' the wrong way." Chou pointed out, looking around.  
  
I shrugged, "You didn't think I would actually go out like this, did you?"  
  
"So yer takin' off the dress?" He asked hopefully.  
  
I smiled, "No, I'm going to the local bath." His mouth twitched at that and his brows furrowed. I take it that idea wasn't too appealing. Judging by the… smell and feel of his body, bathing wasn't something he practiced too regularly. "Actually," I said, putting on a stern face, "You're coming with me. I don't want my body to fall into the sand trap that yours is."  
  
"Bathin' ain't natural." He grumbled and I latched onto his shirt before he could escape as Sou-chan had done earlier.  
  
"Sure it is. Animals do it."  
  
"That jest proves meh point." He sighed, "Dirty ol' animals."  
  
"Listen, I don't want my skin to wrinkle. Do it."  
  
"Eh, but doesn't stayin' in the water too long wrinkle ya up?" He asked crinkling his nose in confusion. Cute! Er, no, no more thoughts like those… stay away from those thoughts. I sighed in a long-suffering way and explained in the simplest way I could imagine, "Just do as I say."  
  
That seemed to satisfy him.  
  
A sheep unto the end.  
  
I don't think he could even conceive not having someone there to tell him what to do. Such is the price of stupidity and dependency. Not that my own fetish for slavish devotion a man who was using me like a tool was any better. To each his own faults I suppose.  
  
"I ain't getting naked in front of ya." He announced and I tittered in amused. He seemed to find this offensive and bristled up, "I ain't! Pervert!"  
  
"Chou, darling, it's not like I haven't seen it all before."  
  
"Yea', but ya might… ya know." No, I didn—oh shit. Okay, yes I did. Now… I puffed up with righteous fury fueled by my initial shock, "Are you insinuating that I might molest myself?"  
  
I could see the words confused him, but the tone didn't. He took a step back with his hands up, protesting, "Well, ya hit on everythin' else!"  
  
Sick! It went far beyond perversion. It was ghastly! Words! I don't have the WORDS to even to begin to describe the chain of repulsive thoughts and revolting instincts that went flying through my head. It went beyond the means of language! If social, moral, and ethical codes condoned incest, then what would they think of THAT? What would you even call it?  
  
"What you do to yourself is your own business." I snapped and whirled. I added over my shoulder crisply, "Leave me out of it."  
  
I heard footfalls behind me, but he didn't try to talk. A good thing all things considered. I wouldn't want to put a ring of purple-black bruises around my own neck.  
  
"Er, sorry 'bout that." He offered hesitantly. I almost fell over from shock. When was the last time that pigheaded man had EVER offered an apology to ANYONE? For the second time that day he slammed into the back of me.  
  
"You really mean it?" I asked, half turning to watch his face.  
  
"Er,"  
  
"So you do mean it!" I crowed in a childish voice. As expected, that set up a string of not-quite heard curses from my companion.  
  
Rather than savor his expected apology, I found myself prying a rather loud young woman off me.  
"Chou-kun! You're here! I thought I'd never see you again!" The female wailed against me. For some reason I felt really uncomfortable. I hadn't been this close to a female since… well, since I tried to bitch-slap Yumi. Maybe it wasn't that long again, but you know, bitch-slapping someone didn't promote a warm, happy feeling, or squeals of excitement.  
  
I looked over the girl's head, something I noticed wasn't all that hard to do, and mouthed, "Who?"  
  
He just gave me a helpless look.  
  
"Don't you remember me Chou-kun? We used to have such a good time together!" The girl sobbed and I tried not to fall backwards.  
  
"Just what kind of 'good time'?" I asked under my breath. Apparently it was a little too loud because the kid just kind of blinked then blushed.  
  
"So you don't remember me." She said sadly. Rather than stupidly open my mouth and betray myself, I so wisely just sat there. Uh-huh. Me, sitting there, quiet… for an extended period of time… when I definitely had some protest to the feminine paws all over my waist… not happening.   
  
She loosened her grip and sniffled.  
  
Oh no, she was going to cry. "Don't you remember? I'm Aiko…"  
  
"Sweetie, you look a little young to be…" I ventured and she turned bright red. Suddenly she started to bawl.  
  
"Aw, now look what'cha did." Chou muttered as I helplessly tried to escape the harsh death grip on my waist. Good thing I hadn't worn silk.   
  
"We used to be so close!" The girl continued. By then I had opted to forget gentle persuasion. It wasn't very gentlemanly to wrench a tearful woman off you, but hell, I was starting to suffocate. And the jerk who was the root of all this was just standing there stupidly. What in the world had he done to this poor child? To make her act this way. She looked far too young to be a prostitute, but who was I to judge. Maybe Chou liked them… okay, stopping now. Pedophilia was on my lists of mental-censors.  
  
"Almost like siblings." Woah there, back it up. Siblings? This I really didn't want to hear. Especially after his earlier comment about… well, it's all taboo now. That thing. Can't even say it. Moving on.  
  
"Aiko was it? I think you've mistook--."  
  
"Where's your accent?" She sniffled and backed up suspiciously. Grateful for air, I hastily hid behind myself/Chou. Hopefully my body was safe from random attack teenagers. "I don't think I'm—."  
  
"But… but! You're Chou! I know it."  
  
Technically yes, I was "Chou." However, I had a dislike of women in general, and this whiny little girl was making me want to hurl her off a cliff. Besides, her dirty hands crinkled my new outfit.  
  
Not caring if I confused her, I grunted over my shoulder, "Take care of your friend, will you Chou?"  
  
"Wha'? Why meh?" He cried out in stunned surprise. Really, was asking him to deal with his own problems such a harsh thing to expect? I just wanted to take a bath.  
  
The girl looked between us.  
  
"Chou?" She asked hesitantly and he grunted. "Wow, what happened to you?" For the first time she seemed to stop and question why "Chou" was wearing women's clothing, "And why is this person dressed like that? Is there festival I don't know about?"  
  
"No sweetie, I just wear it for kicks." I rolled my eyes. Apparently sheep flocked together with little aid from a Shepard. The girl was comparable to a bale of rice. Except maybe not so smart. "I find it amusing to switch bodies and waltz around in a dress to torment Chou." Well, admittedly, it was partly true.  
  
She seemed to take a moment to think about this and nodded as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I see. You shouldn't be so mean to Chou-kun!"  
  
Then she made a vicious jab at my ankles with her foot.  
  
Brushing past her, I called over my shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"  
  
"No proble' there." He mumbled, looking less than thrilled at his new aquesition. The girl was like a new puppy. Cute… and loud… and less appealing every moment it stayed around you. I didn't hit any snags as I proceeded to treat Chou's body to a rare miracle: water. Of course, the poor liquid turned black almost immediately about the third dump (the first two were coffee brown while taking off surface dirt). In the end I had almost managed to flood the floor with water now only fit for a septic tank, but I was clean.  
  
What a glorious feeling.  
  
Now to start on the soap. Then I could really make a dent in the tougher grime that pure water wouldn't touch. Pulling out the purple, lavender-scented import, I proceeded to lather up. Unfortunately this produced some curious and not-so-pleasant results. Namely my arm foaming up and feeling like acid had been pour on bare skin.  
  
I hastily grabbed the bucket and rinsed off.  
  
Well, note to self: Chou was allergic to soap. That explained quite a bit. Why he couldn't have just told me that in the first place was a mystery.  
  
Trying to ignore the purple-ish marks creeping up my arms and down my chest, I dried off.  
  
Grabbing the mass of wild hair, I twisted it back into a messy ponytail. There was no way I was going to spend hours styling it to go straight up like I had been electrocuted by one of those foreign wires. Later I'd find something a little more attractive and far more serviceable.  
  
After paying and listening to some local gossip, I headed out the door… to trip over Chou. He had a stoned look about him. Eww, I don't look—I'm stopping right there. Right. There.  
  
"What'd you drug him with?" I asked the girl. She stared at me like I was crazy.  
  
Shrugging, I waved a hand in Chou's face. No reaction. If he was in a coma… Leaning over further into his sight, I tried again. This produced a hoarse scream of outrage, "Wha' the fuck!"  
  
"Pardon." I retorted, drawing back. Peering at my arms, I realized the color was now a rich plum. "Oh, yeah, why didn't you tell me you were allergic to soap? I must say this is the most interesting reaction…"  
  
"Wha… wha' the fuck didja do ta meh hair!" He demanded, not quite grabbing a handful. I skittered back in case he decided to do it anyway. Grabbing the end, which was nearing my butt, I twirled it nervously, "Does it really look that bad? The owner said it didn't look too horrible…"  
  
"It's fuckin' pink!" He pissed and several patrons exiting the bathhouse hurried it along.  
  
"Well, I was going for red, but you know how dyes can be…"  
  
"You're fuckin' dead, ya little freak!" He screamed and lunged at me. Luckily, size does matter. I swatted him away desperately and said quickly, "It does look bad then. Oh well, it'll fade in a few weeks. On the bright side, it matches that kimono I just bought today with your money!"  
  
Somehow I couldn't help but feel like there was going to be some serious payback for that little mistake…  
  
A/N: OMG, it didn't take me like a month to update! LOL. -evil laugh- Now to watch the end of the Christian Arc... must not hurt self making fun...  
  
Wistful-Eyes: Don't you worry about that :) Your review pretty much inspired the end of this fic. Ha! Now you have to read it all. Soujirou escapes (fast little bugger), for now :)  
  
Fyyrrose: I don't think XD is properly terrified, judging by his last reply to you - Didn't get the sleepwalking in, but that'll come. That's what I do on my b-days: hide. Why should YOU be afraid? It's your crazy family I'm worried about. Yeah, you're right, she'd be dead. Wow, I'm being unseasonably mean to Yumi - Oh well, she had it coming. I mean, poor Hoji has been reincarnated as a rat, had a katana rammed through him, and lord knows what we did to him in Springs (because I certainly don't remember). Yes, yes, I'll update HS... as soon as I finish Thanksgiving. Then I'll post Christmas break :) 


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five  
  
That little prick. I should kill him. No, death was too good. Way too good. I needed some serious help thinking up some good payback. Fuck that. This was personal.  
  
Now, what did Kamatari value more than life?  
  
An evil grin spread across my, er, his face. Perfect…

So I had a few errands to run now. Well, I'd just leave my evil hair-dying nemesis to his own devices. Okay, that sounded like a horrible idea. Worse than that time I thought to play a drinking game with the jerk in the white cape. Word to the idiotic, don't go in a bar and try to drink down a big guy. Even drunker than hell I could still hear his mocking words ringing in my ears. Bastard.  
  
"Er, I hav'ta go. I'll be back later." I said hastily, already gleefully plotting out where to go first. It was bad enough the freak threatened my babies, but did he have to turn my head pink? Who takes a pink-haired man seriously?!! That's right! NO ONE. I mean, it's like that rumor I heard about the Battousai now wearing a magenta gi. How can you fight someone like that without going blind because you feel shame for your opponent?  
  
I chuckled anyway. Pink shirt or not, I would whoop his ass royally if Shishio ordered it. Assuming I wasn't still in this freak's body. I doubt it even had the coordination to draw a knife, let alone one of my babies. Anyone could swing a stick around… okay, with a tiny bit of practice and a lot of upper body strength, anyone could swing a stick around. Swords took skill and technique and coordination.  
  
I was so engrossed in that train of thought I didn't notice the thing—er, girl following me.  
  
"Wha' do ya want?" I asked without turning around.  
  
"Umm…"  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Don'cha have a family or sumthin'? A boyfriend ta pester."  
  
There was a long pause and I was hoping she had taken the rather blunt hint and left. No such luck.  
  
"But Chou-kun!" She wailed and I resisted the urge to clap my hands over my ears. My name did not deserve to be shrieked out by a banshee. Name abuse! Was nothing of mine sacred anymore? "I want to tag along after you, like I used to."  
  
"Used ta? Listen, I don't know who the hell ya are!"  
  
Sniffle.  
  
Oh no.  
  
She was going to start wailing. Maybe it was good that Kamatari wasn't with us. He seemed to have bad reactions to things like that. Damn, why wasn't he around? Stupid freak, avoiding his own misery so easily.  
  
"You don't remember me Chou-kun?"  
  
Uh, duh, no. I just said that!  
  
"It's me, Aiko!"  
  
Oh, and that cleared it all right up. Dumbo.  
  
"You used to baby sit me. We were neighbors."  
  
Blank stare.  
  
I try not to remember my childhood. Who cares about memories of being a puny, snot-nosed little kid? A runty, picked-on little kid who always ran to his older sister for protection. The one who was called all sorts of names until he decided to find the biggest, meanest bully in the neighborhood and slaughtered him with the kid's first sword.  
  
"Eh, okay." Just nod your head and agree, I told myself. Then she'll be happy, the crying will be averted, and you don't have to think about it anymore.  
  
"So you remember me now?"  
  
Shit. Time to change the subject…  
  
"Er, ya live 'ere, right?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"So ya can tell me where a few shops 're, right?"  
  
"What do you need to know?"  
  
Maybe she did have a use after all. I couldn't wait to run my errands and flaunt the results. It was time that the freak got a bit of payback. Cold? Hell no. There's a reason hell is fire and brimstone. Revenge is best served unbearably hot! As in A.S.A.P.  
  
The contents of Kamatari's wallet and three hours later I was set to head back to our temporary HQ.  
  
As for Aiko, well, I figured if ignoring her wouldn't work I could always use her to torment the freak. I considered that further. Yes, the guy would have a fit if his body walked in with a girl in arm.  
  
"'Ey, Aiko. Why don'cha hold meh hand?"  
  
One suggestion was all it took. Man I'm sexy.  
  
We ran into Anji and Soujirou playing some sort of pointless game outside. Hehe, the looks of shock… dammit, where were the looks of shock? I swear, it'd be an alien invasion that wiped the smile off that kid's face, and nothing less. As for Anji, hey, his faults are already well known. I think he's related to rocks.  
  
"You look different." Soujirou commented carefully, glancing up from the corner of his eye. He was showing far more interest in his pieces than my hard work. "I do not think Kamatari will enjoy the new him."  
  
"That sounded so odd." Aiko commented from beside me.  
  
"Ah, who's your friend? Kamatari will not like that much either." Soujirou commented, moving one of his pieces decisively. He brushed off his palms and stood up to greet Aiko, "Good afternoon, my name is Soujirou Seta."  
  
The girl flamed up and stuttered, "A-ai-aiko."  
  
"It is a pretty name."  
  
"Qui' harassin' her." I grumbled. Stupid pretty-boy.  
  
"Eh-heh." Soujirou grinned and rubbed the back of his head, "Sorry."  
  
"Better."  
  
"But Seta-san wasn't bothering me too much!" She protested.  
  
Feeling slightly cross, okay really pissed, I growled, "Sure, take his side."  
  
She blushed and clutched my arm tighter, "Please forgive me Chou-kun."  
  
And that was why women did not belong in my life for more than one night. They were just too damn complicated!  
  
Awkwardly I tried to pat her shoulder under Anji's brooding glare. There were times when I wondered what the fuck was his problem and there were other times when I knew he has issues, yet still didn't know what the fuck his problem was. People like him were uptight pricks who deserved to be locked up in some lonely mountain sanctuary. No social skills.  
  
"Didja hav' sumthin' ta say ta meh?" I glared. Somehow I was thinking that it was justifiable to punch a fallen monk. In the face preferably.  
  
"You may wish to reconsider your current path." He said blandly.  
  
Okay, I need plain Japanese here! No stupid metaphors. Next he'll burst out into song or something. Maybe some bad haikus. I shuttered at the thought. Nothing was worse than bad poetry.  
  
"And if'n I don't?"  
  
"I assume there will only be Nine Swords."  
  
"Haha." I snapped. Jerk. And his soot eyes made him look like a possessed insomniac! So there.  
  
"Do not take Anji-san too seriously." Soujirou laughed, "I think he's jealous that you stole his hair style. Kamatari has an interestingly shape head."  
  
"Ya can say that again. Bet it's why his brain's so scrambled." I said, absently rubbing a hand across the smooth surface. "Ain't no skin off meh nose though."  
  
"Hey, where have you be—Oh dear lord! What have you done?" Kamatari gasped as he came out. I totally missed the look on his face, seeing as I was staring at my strawberry candy-colored hair. He had done it up in… in… pigtails!  
  
I stared, mesmerized before I realized Kamatari was still talking, "… And that suit is hideous. Seriously, I know most westerners have no taste, but did you have to go out of your way to find something that ugly? At least it's black and not grey. It's hard to go wrong with black, even if it is a dark, brooding color. That doesn't match my personality at all!"  
  
It sure didn't, but it was going to match someone's face in a moment if he didn't shut up.  
  
"…And where did you get the money for all that? I'm assuming that you took my wallet, but it's not like I had a fortune in it after that last shopping spree…"  
  
Seriously, when was he going to start screaming? If I knew I'd get another lecture…  
  
"AHHHHH! What'd you do to my hair! You brute, it's all gone! All my lovely, perfect hair is gone. Do you know how much time I've spent conditioning and coddling it to make it just so? Well do you! I told you the dye washes out in a week or two! It's going to take months for my hair to grow back. Not to mention the hideous way it will stubble. You've ruined me Chou! I'm glad I decided to get rid of those nasty swords because you deserve it! You really do. You're an awful, awful person with no respect or taste." He shrieked, making Aiko and Soujirou instinctively clap their hands over their ears in pain.  
  
It doesn't matter. Only one thing came through my gloat-enjoyment.  
  
"Wha'd ya do ta meh babies?" I scowled, seriously considering just killing him and living in this body forever.  
  
He fixed me with a poisonous glare, "Nothing as bad as I should have! They're not melted down into something useful, if that's what you're worried about."  
  
"Let meh repeat mehself, cuz I'm goin' to thrash ya! Where are they?"  
  
Kamatari's mouth pinched shrewdly and he jutted his jaw. Now there was an expression worthy of my face. No more of that cutesy, look-at-me pout shit.  
  
"I sold them."  
  
"Ya didn't."  
  
"And I don't feel like telling you to whom." He added before I sprang forward, latching onto a pink ponytail.  
  
"Ya will tell me." I threatened. Vaguely I heard Aiko making some comment to Soujirou about how what the freak had done was low and disgusting. The boy declined to comment.  
  
"Or you'll do what exactly. Tell me because I'm dying to know. Really. After what you did I might have to kill myself out of shame."  
  
Woah, what a fanatic! Who cares? Hair is hair. It grows back. My own extravagant hair-style was more for effect than anything else. It tended to get me remembered, for better or worse. I certainly wouldn't even give it a second thought if it were chopped off. Hair grew on heads; blades didn't.  
  
"Fin', ya tell meh 'bout my babies and I'll tell ya about where I pawned yer scythe." I bartered.  
  
He sniffed, "Why bother? I'll just get a new one."  
  
My jaw dropped. He didn't deserve a weapon! Even a lousy sharpened stick was too good for his uncaring attitude.  
  
"Listen ya, I want my babies back." I paused, unsure of what to say to get to him. "How can I be useful to Shishio…" Long pause. As much as I distained honorifics-- really who needed them? –I needed to say it. It couldn't be that hard… really. Kamatari and Soujirou and Yumi did it all the time. Easy. Just a S-A-M-A. Just four simple letters. Dammit! "When I don't hav' any weapons?"  
  
"He certainly doesn't need you for your brains." Kamatari sniped bitterly.  
  
I ground my teeth, "And he doesn't need ya fer your so-called "sex appeal" or your spats with Yumi. Yer a tool, just as much as I am. At least I'm honest 'bout it, huh? Cuz life's a serious bitch when she feels like it."  
  
The shrewd look left his eyes, replaced by something I didn't have much to do with: pity.  
  
"It's sad that you think so little of yourself Chou-san." The sudden honorific made me really edgy. What was he planning now? Know your enemy. To hell with that bs! I didn't know him at all. And I didn't want to! "I know we joined for different reasons and I don't know yours. Somehow I don't think it's the purest," Eyes flick over to Anji, "And certainly not out of loyalty," To Soujirou, "And I doubt you've ever known love, even one-sided, unrequited love."  
  
Now what was he getting at?  
  
"So where does that leave you? Cold and alone with nothing but your babies I suppose. You don't trust people, do you? That's really too bad. It's a hard life by yourself."  
  
Thoroughly confused by his new and disturbing tactics, I turned red, "So? It ain't yer business!"  
  
And doing something I thought only women could successfully pull off, he did a complete 180.  
  
Smiling, he grabbed my hand and pulled it off the cotton candy hair. It took a bit of force, seeing as even stupefied I wasn't about to let him go.  
  
Rather than prancing out of reach to say something tormenting he stood close enough to whisper in my ear, "I'll be your friend Chou-san. If you want me to be."  
  
Sputtering, I shoved him away.  
  
He winked and leered, "You know I mean it!"  
  
"The fuck ya do!" I howled after him.  
  
Soujirou stared before piping up in a small, curious voice, "Did Kamatari-san propose something obscene?"  
  
"Sumthing like that." I snapped, stalking off with a rather confused Aiko in tow.  
  
A/N: -- and this story took an unexpected and unappreciated twist. Don't worry, I'm not done with Kamatari grins evilly His torture got cut a bit short, but I'll make up for it.  
  
**Tsutanai Shikaku:** Hmm, lol, make up and become friends? I suppose I could suppress my sadonic streak and make it happen. I'm not good at "happy endings." And it would be friendship, I promised no yaoi :)  
  
**Wistful-Eyes:** I knew someone who was always hacking. It was horrible. He carried his inhaler everywhere (for all the good it seemed to do). I knew someone else who was allergic to chocolate (the horror!). I don't want to know what they made soap out of back then (I'm thinking animal fat), but it's plausable he'd be allergic to one of the ingredants!  
  
**Fyyrrose:** Yes, I told you, I was tired, that worked, and I was going to bed. Unlike Chou, most of "Tari's" fun is with harmless intent. Flirty, not malicious. Fine, fine, I'll write HS. I'm going to post a chapter RIGHT NOW, okay? And I was thinking a more non-AU dream. No Bubbles basically, but I will keep that in mind :)  
  
**eriesalia:** Glad you like it - Yes, they are somewhat of polar opposites.  
  
**sekihoutai:** I wish my drawing skills were better. I'd love a picture of a pink-haired chou in pigtails being flirty --falls over laughing at the mental picture!-- I'd find that paragraph amusing except I've seen it in real life... eww. 


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six  
  
I stared after Chou as he stalked away. I purposely avoided the white, shining, naked, exposed, gleaming, hideous, ugly, blinding… my head! It was just so… so… no. Don't think about it. If you think about it, you'll either want to commit homicide or suicide or both.  
  
"What did you say to Chou-san?"  
  
I blinked and turned to the boy. Grinning, I reached up to ruffle his hair, enjoying the fact that someone had some. I didn't look at Anji. It was too painful a reminder.  
  
"Nothing much. I'm afraid he's just a little scared."  
  
Soujirou's eyes widened and I realized how wickedly vague my answer was.  
  
"Oh, you know. He's so set on being a loner; I just thought he'd like some company. You know, one boring, cold night or something. I just pointed out that I'd always love to be available for such an occasion." I said with a suggestive wink, "Was I too forward?"  
  
"You are always too forward." Anji replied bluntly and I stuck my tongue out. He ignored me of course. Really, where was the fun in life for him? Monks were allowed to have fun too. I've never figured out why people felt like they were duty-bound to being miserable for their whole existence.  
  
"Ah, but being forward gets me what I want. And we all know how important that is!" I sauced and got a twitch. Sliding forward, I couldn't resist adding with a smirk, "Because the world revolves around me."  
  
"You don't believe that." He replied.  
  
Dang, what did it take to get a reaction out of him? Well, short of shoving my tongue down this throat. That option wasn't too appealing, not remotely worth the reward of seeing something other than a frown on his face. Or maybe it'd still be a frown, but it'd just be a livid frown that was before the pummeling.  
  
He continued, "If you did, you wouldn't be here."  
  
"Thank you so much. You should be a doctor! Telling me how I feel." I grumped. Brightening, "Can I tell you how you feel? We could make it a game!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Spoilsport." I jabbed making him frown harder. "Do you have anything constructive to say then? Because my time isn't free. I have people to harass, Shishio-sama to admire and drool over, Yumi to fight with, oh, and getting my body back from Chou!"  
  
"Quite the list." The fallen monk remarked. Gasp! Was that a tiny bit of humor cracking through his facade? He eyed me gravely, "Have you figured out how to break the curse."  
  
"Long time ago." I breezed, giving him a friendly thump on the shoulders as I tried to walk past.  
  
He didn't move to stop me, just called to my back, "Then why haven't you gone back."  
  
"Hmm, good question. I'm assuming Chou's holding things up. You know, he's a bit slow sometimes. Good guy, just slow. But, whew, is he malicious! I don't think I want to play with him anymore. At least not while he's got my body in his possession."  
  
"And his swords?"  
  
"Oh those." I said flippantly and waved a hand over my shoulder, "A friend is holding them for me. He's not going to see them any time soon. I, however, should probably go to the local pawnshops and look for my scythe. I can't imagine he got much for it." I turned and gave a slight grin, "After all, it weighs more than I do. Without the chain. Not many people want a weapon they can't use. That's what weapons are for: using. I'm afraid my weapon serves only one purpose. Yours," I point at his fists, "Serve many vital functions. Like eating." His face took on a cast of disbelief at that one and I laughed. I'm sure he was surprised I was so deep and serious, but of course I had to end on a teasing note.  
  
"How astute of you."  
  
"Yes, whatever that word means!" I reply cheekily, grabbing Soujirou and dragging him along with me. "Sorry, but I need to steal Sou-chan. I'll return him… or not. Anyway, see you later! You can give me tips on how you deal with your lack of hair."  
  
Once we were out of sight I sighed in relief.  
  
"He's really nosy for a monk."  
  
"Anji-san is worried."  
  
"So am I."  
  
"About what Kamatari?"  
  
I give a wry grin. I was quite possibly the only person the kid didn't use an honorific with, and only because I threatened to do unspeakable things to him if he did. Namely try to make him stop smiling by any means necessary. He knows I was joking, but being the good kid he is, he humors me.  
  
You've got to admit the kid was unfailingly polite. No wonder Shishio-sama sent him as an envoy. I'm afraid Chou and I had something in common that wouldn't bode well in a job like that: a serious attitude problem. Well, assuming I didn't scare them away with my cross-dressing and he didn't decide to show off his babies.  
  
"How I'm going to do up Chou's hair next!" I yip gleefully, masking over the real things to worry about. Worry was stress; stress is bad. Therefore, worry is bad. Not to mention the wrinkles. Must not fall out of habit, even if I was stuck in this body.  
  
"Er."  
  
"Yup. I was thinking of trying something called a French Braid. Sound good to you?"  
  
"Kamatari, I do not even know what that is."  
  
"So? It still sounds good. Exotic."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"So, what should I do next?" I said, tapping my index fingertip on my bottom lip. It was a curious habit I'd picked up from somewhere. I never bothered to stop because I found it cute. Until I pictured myself as Chou doing it. My finger paused in mid-tap and I hastily brought it back down.  
  
"You could apologize to Chou-san." Soujirou suggested.  
  
"I know! I can go harass Chou and that girl some more! Thanks for the idea Sou-chan."  
  
"Kamatari, that is not what I said!"  
  
"Of course it is. You just used politer words. Do you think Chou's ever gotten a sincere apology in his whole life." Soujirou blinked, "Me neither. So it'll be fun to see what happens!"  
  
"That is mean!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Are you going to be sincere?"  
  
"What? Do I look like the kind of person to be sincere? I sure won't! I meant what I said, it's nothing to apologize for. You'll understand someday that a body has needs." I finished, fully aware of the play on words I was presenting. Hey, what's the use of a reputation if you don't use it? People expect certain things. Who am I to argue? It was much more fun to deliver anyhow.  
  
"Kamatari…" Was it just me, or did the boy take on a whiny tone? It was just so cute! Okay, focus, just focus.  
  
"I'm just teasing you. Come on, let's go find them." I said, giving his arm another yank.  
  
We found Chou and his female shadow in the oddest place ever: my room.  
  
He was sifting through my neatly made up clothing, tossing them all over the floor. I glanced around in annoyance. He was messing with my system. I told him as much.  
  
"What system? It tain't like you actually put these things in order." He protested, tossing a particular favorite of mine at my feet. Aiko, probably having a similar reaction to his callous disregard for pretty garments, stooped over to pick up each discard outfit.  
  
Snatching up the one at my feet I stalked over and shook it in his face in semi-mock, semi-real anger. "Look at this."  
  
He squinted and frowned considering. "So?"  
  
"You just threw it on the floor!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"That's rude, discourteous, and disrespectful. You don't throw your own stuff all over the floor, do you?" Okay, judging by his face he did. "Okay, bad example! You don't go tossing Shishio-sama's possessions all over the place."  
  
He made a snorting noise, "So?"  
  
"Gah!" I said throwing my hands up in the air. Turning to the girl, but staying far away so she couldn't kick me again, "Make him behave! Hey, hey, that one was 100% silk!"  
  
Chou-san, perhaps you should be more careful." Sou-chan added.  
  
"Fine. What the hell didja want?"  
  
Reminded of my self-imposed task, I smiled broadly and leaned into him. Oh boy, this is getting far too weird. The weird thing was the fact that I didn't even consider how I was flirting with myself.  
  
"Ah, I was just coming to apologize."  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"Yes, apologize. I know it's a very difficult word for you to understand, but please try. You know, I don't really like saying sorry, so I'll make this fun."  
  
"Didn't ya mean short?"  
  
"Umm, no. Fun." I smirked, giving a wink to Sou-chan. He smiled back. I think it was approval for once.  
  
"Get on with it." Chou said warily.  
  
The young woman pouted and said warningly, "You better be nice to Chou-kun!"  
  
"I'm as nice as a sweet little lamb."  
  
"A cross-dressin' lamb? Ya must mean a wolf in sheep's clothin'." Chou retorted and I had to clap, "Chou! You said something witty!"  
  
His hand shot out grabbing mine and squeezing.  
  
"Ya shut up!"  
  
"But that was a compliment!" I protested, trying to jerk my hand away. Immaturity is highly underrated! This was turning out better than I could ever have imagined. "You should be happy. You got an apology and a compliment!"  
  
"I didn' hear either one." Chou retorted. Ah, maybe being in my body was making him smarter. He didn't usually pick up on things like that.  
  
During this time he had done his best to regain his space, something, which I quickly remedied. He wasn't going to wiggle out that easily. Obviously I had bit off far more than I could chew playing at a physical war with Chou. Which left two options for me to continue the battles: sexual or psychological.  
  
Now, as much as I enjoyed the former I really didn't fancy being assaulted by that female over there. And I have no doubt she'd beat me bloody… with much pleasure. Women were vicious like that. It took so little to set them off into an attempted homicide.  
  
Well, okay, so maybe I had something before with the friendship issue. He seemed to have reacted quite… negatively to that innocent little suggestion!  
  
I slung a friendly arm around his shoulders, which was quite easy to do, considering my sudden height. Maybe this unsexy body did have its advantages too. But it also served to remind me that my cheek was very, very close to a shiny bald head.  
  
Bad thoughts, bad thoughts. Keep on track. Must… not… think… of… head.  
  
Agggggggggggggggh! My hair, he killed all my beautiful hair.  
  
Okay, much better. Next time I think I'll scream in his ear instead of my head.  
  
"You know, you should let me rub some lotion on my head. Knowing you, you'll let my skin get all dry and cracked. If I had HAIR that wouldn't be necessary. But since I do NOT have HAIR, it needs man-made oils to keep it moist. You wouldn't object to that, now would you Chou-chan?"  
  
"Wha the fuck? 'Ell no, ya ain't touchin' meh!" He paused and his face turned bright red. Honestly, he better not have a conniption fit. "CHAN?"  
  
"Yes, we're friends now, remember? So I'm going to call you Chou-chan. Unless you'd like –kun? But that's not as cute."  
  
"We ain't friends." He fumed, "I ain't yer friend and ya ain't mine."  
  
I hummed, thinking about what kind of hat I'd make him wear. Maybe just something plain. I didn't want to incur more physical wrath after all. Then again, there was that… no. Think Chou. He'd want something… I made a face… manly.  
  
"If'n ya are gonna call meh somethin', it better be –sama." He snarled and I took no notice. Yes, definitely go with a plain hat. And Chou-chan had such a sweet ring to it.  
  
"My head needs to be covered. I don't think you realize how important hair is to a human."  
  
He gave a not-so-gentle jerk on a ponytail and I let my head go with it to avoid missing a chunk of strawberry hair coming out in his grasp.  
  
"Then why'd ya do that?"  
  
"It's not like it's all fallen out. You're just naturally pink now. A fate worse than being naturally blond."  
  
It took a second for that to click.  
  
"Ouchie! That hurts Chou-chan!" I pouted, trying to wrestle that hank of hair out of his heavy hand. Not that I minded if he ended up with a bald spot, but it hurt!  
  
"Damn straight!"  
  
"Chou-san, I think you are maiming yourself." Soujirou pointed out from the side. So he hadn't run off yet? The boy was getting used to our madness. Good, very good. What else could be corrupted?  
  
"What on Earth is going on in here?"  
  
The four of us turned rather guiltily. So there wasn't any lifelong damage after all!  
  
A/N: Sorry for the hasty ending. I want to go a complete different direction, but in order to do that I needed to end this chapter a bit prematurely.  
  
MissBehavin: First off, before I forget, who plays Sanosuke Harada in that Shinsengumi RPG? Because I want to say squeeze Itou again! Make his eyes bulge out! Erm, yeah, anyway... And you know, I'm thinking light pink, so like pastel :) Those would seriously be some loooooooong pigtails too. Bald... Kamatari... now that scares even me. I can't look at bald people anymore. He/She APPEARED to take it well . And yes, I'm seriously trying to tramuatize everyone, and doing a damn fine job (especially on myself!).  
  
Mijuku Shikaku: I'm considering cutting my hair very short (but not bald X.X). I'm not a yaoi writer... shoot, I'm not a yaoi fangirl even. I can't claim much of anything along that line. It's more the happy ending part I was worried about.  
  
Fyyrrose: Gee, wonder who that is! Excuses excuses. Is that all you have? Tsk, tsk. I took several cheap shots whistles And not all of them were directed at RK characters... -coughbadhackpoetrychoke- My childhood was good, better than now.But double standards are fun! They make awesome material .  
  
Imi-nashi: Glad you like it!  
  
Wistful-Eyes: Shishio will see it. A bit. At the end :D Can't say more, I'll ruin it. Don't worry, next chapter will have lots of expression :) 


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Six  
  
They were all absolutely insane. Bonkers, crazy, cracked up, bananas, zany, outlandish… That was the only explanation. It's the only conceivable one anyhow because I am obviously quite sane. The possibility that I am the one off my rocker is non-existent.  
  
"Hoji-san!"  
  
I am still very confused. Very well, I will play their little game, whatever it may be, as long as they see fit to explain the rules. Then maybe I will find out what foolishness has seized them and make it right!  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You're alright! We were so worried."  
  
And that was so grossly out of character for the blond sword-collector I nearly swooned. This was a very sick game.  
  
"I am not "alright" as you put it." I huff indignantly, "You people have been childish long enough. Tell me what is going on."  
  
"But Hoji-san…" He whined.  
  
"Right now." I say firmly. This better be fast. I had more plotting to do and that required that I have privacy. After all, who wants to plot with a group of immature fighters horsing around? I was not too surprised to see Honjo there, nor Sawagejo, but usually Seta was a sensible boy.  
  
"I really don't think you can handle it…" I cut Sawagejo off with a sharp glare. Such insolence! I recall him being mouthy, but never so sickeningly polite about it.  
  
Seta looked between us and suggested to Sawagejo, "You should probably tell him."  
  
That's right. They better tell me!  
  
"Fin'." Honjo sneered… wait, sneered? Before I could figure that out he continued, "Hope ya have a mental breakdown too."  
  
Such blatant disrespect! Apparently they've been far too accustomed to the freedom Shishio-sama has granted them. I must have a word with him about that. Such dogs should never be allowed to run loose.  
  
"Umm, well, you see."  
  
"Would ya stop hemmin' and hawin' and tell 'im?"  
  
"I'm getting there!" Sawagejo snapped back, sticking out his tongue in the most ridiculous fashion I'd ever seen. Dirty urchins from the street were more dignified. "Anyway, you see, Chou-chan and I have a slight dilemia here."  
  
CHOU-CHAN? Who in the world was this CHOU-CHAN he was babbling about now? I certainly hoped there were no brats running around. I'd never abided well with children, Seta being an exception.  
  
"We kind of, well, switched minds, or bodies, or I don't know. But I'm him and he's me. Or is it… anyway, it's me! Kamatari!" Sawagejo proclaimed tossing his hands up in the air. Was that a… dress. I was so fixated on their behavior I missed the obvious. Not that it mattered. I was now even more convinced that they're all nuts.  
  
I raise a cool brow, or I hoped it wasn't twitching at least, "You wish for me to believe that you are Honjo-san?"  
  
"Absolutely." He beamed, "You took that well."  
  
"You should be committed to a mental institution." I reply flatly.  
  
"'Ell no!"  
  
"Hehe, that's funny! Listen to the pot calling the kettle black." He chirped at me. The torturous moron! He thought this was funny? This was a serious issue! "I think Shishio-sama fried too many brain cells!"  
  
"Hoji-san, Kamatari is quite serious. They were cursed by a well."  
  
"Chou-chan pissed it off by giving it trash as an offering." Sawagejo, or was it Honjo, added helpfully. Damn them all!  
  
Hmm, I wasn't overly superstitious, not to mention this sounded extremely unbelievable, but saying, just saying mind you, this was possible… and how the hell were they going to fix it?  
  
"Fix it." I demand threateningly. The frown on my face is much deeper than usual and I think it's going to cause that small V on the forehead to turn into a furrow. Add that to the balding and I certainly wasn't going anywhere in the looks department.  
  
"Ya heard that man, fix it." Sawagejo in Honjo's body said dramatically and pointed an accusing finger.  
  
"But I tooooooooooold you Chou-chan! I don't know how!" Honjo/Sawagejo wailed in a voice that made me cringe. This was apparently the intended effect because he grinned happily afterwards.  
  
"Perhaps Hoji-san has some ideas." Seta pointed out, his smile looking a bit strained. Not that I blame the boy. This was enough to set anyone's nerves on edge. It made me immensely glad I didn't consort with the peasants and grunts on a daily basis.  
  
I stared at them.  
  
Did I really have any ideas?  
  
Well of course I did.  
  
I am a genius after all.  
  
The first thing that came to mind had absolutely nothing to do with the cure and everything to do with the cause. I needed to analyze the problem before anything else. I wasn't one to just plunge in. No, everything required careful planning. Even bailing these lackwits out of their uncanny situation.  
  
The second thought that came to mind was to throw the whole lot in front of a firing squad. That would take care of everything but the bodies.  
  
"Well, you see," And if he didn't stop saying that I was going to smack him. No, I didn't see. That's why the idiot was telling me what happened. So I could apply that information into a mental picture and figure out their mess. "Chou-chan and I were waiting by this well and I was teasing him because he didn't let me finish shopping. Well, he didn't take that too well and er, refused to offer the well money. So he tossed down his food wrapper instead. Next thing we know, Sou-chan has come to retrieve us and we'd apparently been knocked out for an hour or two. In each others bodies of course."  
  
Pressing knuckles to my forehead I silently made myself count to thirteen. Ten counts to calm down, two counts to curb my low tolerance for halfwits, and one to par my answer down to something they'd actually understand with their miniscule brains.  
  
"Are you absolutely daft or just masochistic?" I asked, addressing the one I was assuming was Sawagejo.  
  
"'Taint like I KNEW that was gonna happen." He pouted and I bit back the urge to shake him until he flopped around like a rag doll.  
  
"You should have." I accused, clenching my hands against my clothing instead of his neck. "You are apparently as stupid as you are accused of being."  
  
And when exactly did Honjo become bald? I must truly be losing my mind because I swear not an hour or so ago he had a full head full of hair! If I were the sort of person to be affected by other people's looks, I might very well be very disturbed. As it was, I'm not, and it was only mildly disturbing… and stare-drawing… I really needed to stop that.  
  
"You." I pointed out the not-anymore-but-actually-cross-dresser, "I want to hear your ideas. You seem at least slightly more intelligent that him."  
  
"Hmm, well, if I remember the conversation we were having, I said he was a big jerk and I wished he would figure out how it was like to be me." There was a pause of unwanted revelation followed by a quick intake of breath, "And Chou wished I'd stop being so weird! It's all his fault for real!"  
  
"No it ain't!" He howled immediately.  
  
I crushed a fist to my temple not-so-lightly. This was giving me a massive headache. Was I simply surrounded by stupidity? …And that hair was… pink… in pigtails? Gaaaaaaaaaaah! It only confirmed that they were insane. Although it was actually a nice shade of pi—noooooooooooo! They've infected me! The stupidity has infected me!  
  
"Shishio-sama MUST NOT find out about this." I hiss and they all jump. Whirling on my heel I start to pace. He couldn't find out about this… this… this fiasco! I'd die before I let that happen!  
  
"He won't." Honjo assured me. Somehow I wasn't reassured at all. Foolproof plans were all well and good until you added a fool. With two, disaster was guaranteed.  
  
The solution seemed rather simple to me. They made friends, I cringed at that word, and all was better. It was so ridiculously easy. I failed to see how they hadn't broke the curse yet. After all, how difficult was it to be… friends?  
  
And who the hell was that girl?  
  
I really needed to stop my narrow-minded, blinders on thinking. Otherwise I was going to run into the proverbial pole. Or the not-so-proverbial young woman who I'd almost tripped over.  
  
She gave a clumsy acknowledgement of respect and hastily tried to back up. In the end she ended up hiding behind Honjo's body.  
  
"Who is that?"  
  
"Oh, that's Chou's under-aged—mmph!" Once again, Seta is the only child I could tolerate. Now if only he'd just jam his fist down the fool's throat and rip out his voice box. I think we'd all be happier for it.  
  
"Oh never mind!" I say, throwing my hands up in exasperation. I didn't care. Why did I ask?  
  
"He's scary." The girl whimpered, probably thinking I was too engaged in a mental breakdown to hear her.  
  
"He's too smart fer his own good." Sawagejo uttered.  
  
"I think Hoji-san is great!" Honjo piped up loudly, "As we speak he's coming up with a great, diabolical plot to make us become the best of friends! Never mind that Chou-chan shunned my offer earlier."  
  
What.  
  
I turned on Sawagejo, deadly calm, "Why."  
  
"I don' wanna be his friend." He pouted like a five-year-old child.  
  
"So that's what Kamatari said!" Seta called out and the nameless girl nodded, "That wasn't dirty. Chou-kun, why didn't you say yes?"  
  
"I… but…"  
  
"Well?"  
  
Four pairs of expectant eyes latched on him.  
  
"Yes, Chou-san, wouldn't you like to tell them why you rejected my generous offer?" Honjo said sweetly, dropping the –chan.  
  
"Uh."  
  
This seemed simple to fix.  
  
Make the blockhead accept and viola! They were friends, the curse would be broke, and we could all go back to our pathetically serious, morbid existences.  
  
"Say yes."  
  
"'Ell no! Why would I wan' ta be HIS friend?"  
  
Honjo gave a slight sniffle and turned away.  
  
"Kamatari--." Seta started and the nameless girl whirled on Chou, "Chou-kun, you're being so mean! Don't you want to get along?"  
  
"No! I don't!" He snapped, running a hand across the disturbingly bare top of his head. Normally I believe myself above such petty observations and discomforts, but something about that just resonated WRONG. "And ya can't make meh."  
  
I half-expected another raspberry. Such childish people I am forced to work with. So degrading.  
  
The sniffle was now turning into shoulder shaking.  
  
"Why not?" Seta asked, walking towards the soon-to-be bawling, yes I was sure it would be bawling… or maybe sobbing? Blubbering. Yes, blubbering.  
  
"Why should I? Lookit meh hair! Lookit what he did ta meh hair!" The displaced Sawagejo ranted and pointed accusingly. "'Side from that, he's a freak! And he abducted meh babies!"  
  
The shoulder shaking had gotten quite a bit harder and there were now snuffling noises.  
  
"Kamatari, are you okay?" Seta asked, putting a hand on the taller man's shoulder.  
  
The maniac turned around with a wicked look in his eye before falling over laughing. Tears were coming out of his eyes. Seriously, I'd never seen someone so afflicted before in my messed up life.  
  
"YOU'RE hair? Are you friggin' daft? All you got was a dye job. Who shaved my FUCKING head?"  
  
The other people in the room all had their jaws hanging down in shock. I was surprised to find my mouth copying their moronic actions.  
  
Seta regained his voice first, "Kamatari… you… you…"  
  
"Cussed! Halla-fuckin'-luh! Ya ain't no saint now!" This was going to get dangerous. My self-preservation instincts were screaming red. "Ya started the whole dam' thing anyway! I was justa innocen' by-stander."  
  
"Innocent my ass! You're guilty as sin."  
  
Nameless girl commented quietly, "He said another one."  
  
"I think he's going to rant." Seta replied in awe.  
  
"Fuck ya!"  
  
"No, FUCK YOU. And you can kiss my ASS." This was accompanied by a rather angry, not to mention vulgar, motion.  
  
"Go ta HELL, ya side-show freak."  
  
"I'll see you there, asshole."  
  
"Now, now, that does not seem very friendly." Seta chimed in fearfully and shrank back when both glared at him.  
  
Again, I didn't know much about this "friendship" thing, but it did seem out of sorts for them to be cussing each other out like a pair of drunken, foreign sailors, just short of a serious fistfight.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Both stop to look at me. They better not glare.  
  
Luckily for them they have radioactive expressions, but not at me. Which is all I care about anyway. Let them slaver and bark at each other all they want, as long as they acknowledge a master.  
  
"Better." I give my level glare that generally scares the riff raff. I did not expect it to work overly much with this lot. They were apparently far more stupid that the usual. "Now, make friends."  
  
"Yes, kiss and make-out." Honjo sneered sweetly, making puckering motions. "Because you're in my body now, ba-by."  
  
"Fuck ya."  
  
"So limited." Honjo tsked, "Why don't you be a little creative? Something like, you know, I've always hated you, so let's just go around back and let me…"  
  
"I'm not liste'!" Sawagejo shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears and singing some awful tune. As immature as it seemed, I caught myself trying to do the same thing.  
  
"…Feed you some poison." Honjo finished.  
  
"That was lame." The girl said reprovingly with a sniff.  
  
"Lame, but not nasty. Unless you want "Chou-kun" to do what you were thinking, huh?"  
  
The girl turned bright red and started choking for no apparent reason.  
  
"Lalalala!"  
  
"Oh give it a rest, will you? Stop tormenting our ear drums with your off-key whimpering." Honjo snapped and a short punch to the shoulder accompanied his words. "It's mind-numbing."  
  
"Ya shut up!"  
  
"Hey, I'm not the one refusing to cooperate here! You're the one being Mr. High-and-Freaking-Mighty, not me. I tried to play nice. I didn't dye your hair pink on purpose and I didn't pawn your weapons and I didn't try to make you something your not. Although, maybe you've been improved now. I certainly couldn't have made you worse!"  
  
"I ain't seen that so-called "generosity" yet." Sawagejo snarled, shaking with rage, "All I've seen is a freak who can't keep his paws off 'n' who hasta harass people ta death!"  
  
"See? You're being stereotypical again! Have I ever called you a dumb brute or a sword-toting sadist? Have I ever even "coped a feel"?"  
  
"You've called meh lotsa other things." He retorted.  
  
"True, but you deserved those!"  
  
"Like 'ell I did."  
  
"… This is stupid." Honjo turned towards me, "He's not listening to me. And I'm sick of him. Why don't we just tell Shishio-sama what happened? I'm sure he could figure something out."  
  
"No! Shishio-sama must never find out about this!" I hollered frantically.  
  
"Find out about what."  
  
"Hi Yumi-san. Um, about nothing." Seta said guiltily.  
  
I just glowered. Just want we needed in the middle of this mess. That woman.  
  
Apparently Honjo felt the same way.  
  
"Go away. No one wants you here, ugly hag."  
  
A/N: Look, another chapter! I really need to hurry up and finish this because I have a tendency to start things. Anyway, this chapter was a blast to write, but you can tell where I left off and couldn't pick it back up x.X Sorry about that. Hope you enjoyed Hoji's pov. Also, "kiss my ass" is one of my aunt's favorite sayings when she's peeved, so that's credit to her -  
  
**Wistful-Eyes:** wouldn't suck to have a phobia of bald men? Umm, I can't really think of bald-bald people in RK. 


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight  
  
I stared between them.  
  
What didn't they want Shishio-sama to find out?  
  
I glared suspiciously at Kamatari and was very surprised to see a young girl peering out from behind him. She looked at me curiously, but didn't say anything. What was really odd about it was I knew Kamatari had a pet peeve about being touched by females. I won many early battles using that tactic against him.  
  
"None of your business, you witch." Chou retorted and glared.  
  
Now Chou wasn't a gentleman in any sense of the word, but he'd never been so blatantly… rude. At least not to me. Or at least not after the first time he tried it and I left his ears ringing and his eyes crossed.  
  
It was sad when most men could only be communicated with by physical violence. "You should be nice Kamatari." Sou-chan reproved. Did I hear that right? Biting my lip, I didn't voice my confusion. Obviously I had walked into the middle of a crisis, and considering everyone's odd behavior from earlier I wasn't sure I wanted to wade in any deeper.  
  
"I don't see any reason to be nice to that man-stealing whore."  
  
"Woah boy, 'e's on a streak." Soujirou nodded in agreement and muttered, "I believe he is."  
  
Chou glared at the pair. There was something familiar about that glare. Creepy familiar. Almost as if…  
  
"You're Kamatari!" I yelped and pointed accusingly. He looked at me with half-lidded eyes and I knew I was right. No one else could be that intensely loathful! "What are you doing in Chou's body?"  
  
A sly grin crossed his face, "I would think you'd be happy Doll. I'm not competition in this man's body. Why don't you go celebrate?" Oh no, he wasn't getting rid of me that easily. I wanted to know what exactly was going on. And I wanted to know right now.  
  
"What exactly is going on?" I asked, echoing my thoughts, and fixed Chou with a baleful glare. It was no secret that both Kamatari and Hoji didn't like me, which was just fine. I didn't like them either. At least Chou was unbiased; unless his pride got in the way he would probably answer me. Assuming I could understand his explanation through the accent.  
  
"'Ell, ya see…"  
  
"…It's none of your business woman." Kamatari cut in.  
  
I smirk and tap my lips coyly, "Then maybe it's Shishio-sama's business?" I would have laughed at Hoji's panicked face if it wouldn't spoil what I was angling at. Instead I hid my smile behind my hand and hair.  
  
"No, that's not necessary. Shishio-sama doesn't need to be bothered by such…" the bald man glanced over at the two switched and twitched spastically, "Trivial things. We've almost fixed the problem in any case."  
  
"We 'ave?"  
  
"Shut up you dimwit." Hoji hissed in annoyance and smashed his forehead against a near by wall. I noticed that I wasn't the only one who winced at the sound of bone against solid surface. "Why? Why? Why?"  
  
"We didn't ask you to help." Kamatari pouted. It was a disturbing look on his natural face, but a grotesque one on Chou's. I decided this could be extremely amusing if I was willing to risk my mental health. Oh whatever, I was already damned, this was more than worth a little more sin on my soul. "You just jumped in and ordered Chou-chan to be my friend. Of course, I don't think you've had a friend in your whole life… umm, but that's not my problem."  
  
"You… you…!"  
  
"I'm cranky and if you want to see a bigger bitch than that woman over there, push me. I. Dare. You." Kamatari breezed. You have to hand it to the guy, he certainly knew how to act.  
  
"Ooo." The girl said, looking impressed. Please. Kamatari may talk the talk, but he didn't know anything worthwhile about being the biggest bitch on the planet. Of course, if he thought even attempting to do that would get him anything, he was sorely mistaken.  
  
"So, you actually have a solution?" I said putting an edge of disgust in my tone. "How did all of this come about anyway? You two must have been messing around with something you shouldn't have."  
  
I gave a pointed look at Kamatari, stating that that was nothing out of the usual for him. He was always pawing around where he shouldn't be. Namely on Shishio-sama.  
  
"Of course we weren't. How suspicious of you!" The cross-dresser replied and rolled his eyes. His mouth twitched with a mirthless grin and he pointed to Chou, "That fellow over there decided it would be funny to throw a wrap in a well as an offering. Oh, and not to mention the sign that specifically warned against it! He simply has no respect for anything except himself and his babies."  
  
BABIES! Somehow he didn't strike me as a very responsible father-type. I pity the poor children… hell, I pity the mother too.  
  
"That ain't true!"  
  
"Really? What else then? Oh, tormenting innocents and talking out your rump?"  
  
I blinked in surprise. I'd never seen Kamatari be so… vicious. Well, yes, I had. But I'd never seen him behave that way towards someone other than me. Aww, now I didn't feel special anymore. Uh-huh.  
  
"Well, I should help you two become…" I paused delicately, just long enough to insinuate quite a bit, "Friends."  
  
"No, you won't. He's not my type." "What are you two talking about!" Chou fumed.  
  
I flashed him a demure smile, cackling wickedly inside. This was going to be fun. How could I ever have missed this?  
  
"First off, don't you need some male bonding time?" Like I'd know.  
  
"No."  
  
"'Ell no. Why would I want ta spen' time wit' 'im?"  
  
"But if you don't know each other…"  
  
"I know him well enough. He's a close-minded bigot who lives off his astronomical ego and an unhealthy passion for swords." Chou looked decidedly confused at those big words before deciding they actually were an insult and retorted, "And yer nothin' but a nosy freak who can't do anythin' right fer anyone! Wishy-washy and useless!"  
  
Staring between them, I realized that this was actually quite ugly. I wonder how long they actually resented each other? Then I wondered why in the world I wanted them to kiss-and-uncurse? This seemed much more advantageous, with Kamatari not only unappealing, but also too busy fighting to bother me.  
  
"I give up!" Hoji wailed off in the corner and another sharp crack rang out. "We're doomed! They're too stupid to realize their own dooms… they might as well be animals raised for slaughter. Stupid, stupid animals who are good for nothing but food."  
  
Soujirou nodded in agreement, taking Hoji literally, "The strong eat the weak. If you are weak then that is your purpose in life. I hope you are not weak, since I have taken a liking to you."  
  
Sometimes that kid gave me shivers.  
  
"Chou-kun isn't weak!"  
  
"Darling," I fixed the girl with a look, "Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Your Chou-kun has just made himself extremely vulnerable because they're being exploited by circumstance."  
  
The girl just blinked. Great, I'm talking to a walking vegetable. But then again, considering her very obvious crush, I shouldn't have been surprised.  
  
"Paring down Yumi-darling's excellent speech: your boyfriend is a dumbass and is too proud to fix it."  
  
"Oh. Hey, he's not a dumbass!" Whoosh, and the point flew right over her head. Somehow I got the feeling she was pranked mercilessly as a child.  
  
I turned on Kamatari. This wasn't a time for me to be selfish, as much as I wanted to. After all, a woman's life was all about sacrifice. Now wasn't the time to be pursuing a dispute. Shishio-sama needed his fighters sound of body… and mind, maybe not, but definitely of body. Basically he needed to be able to use them. It was a fact that gave me no little comfort. So I'm selfish; isn't everyone?  
  
"You! If you're so smart why haven't you taken measures to correct this problem? How can Shishio-sama count on you people when you're either too immature or too prideful to be of any use? This burns my tongue, but he NEEDS you."  
  
Chou raised an eyebrow, unimpressed, "Dull swords don't cut well, eh?" How insightful.  
  
I shrugged, "Exactly." I wasn't going to soften my words; that wasn't doing anyone any favors.  
  
Kamatari cast me a look I couldn't figure out until I realized it was the same one that haunted my mirror on occasion. The one where I felt so helpless and wrong. It didn't incline me to feel any pity for my enemy; I wasn't that sort of person. I didn't get to where I was in my old life by considering other people's feelings and I wasn't a habit I was inclined to pick up now. I did, however, get a very good gauge of how far he would go to serve his love. And who here was supposed to gain respect for who? I don't remember being part of this curse, yet here I was, doing far better than the bonehead who was sitting over there looking sullen. If only I knew how to motivate him.  
  
"Of course all of that is true." Kamatari said carefully, looking thoughtful, "And I don't mind being a tool. If I'm going to be one I might as well be tempered steel, right? If you're going to do something, do it right, be the best. You're in my way Chou."  
  
"Meh?" "Yeah, you. I can't do a dang thing in this body!" Kamatari squealed and jumped the other man making me roll my eyes. Men. The fleeting attention spans were truly amazing in my opinion.  
  
"Geroff!" Chou raged, trying to push the bigger, heavier body off of him.  
  
It was funny how I could keep them apart, especially when Mister I'm a Genius seemed to be having a breakdown. Then again, I saw things for what they were. It was a gift and a curse and inherently part of me.  
  
"Just admit it! I'm not such a bad person!" Kamatari demanded, his fingers questing. They paused and started to do damage.  
  
"St- st- ooooooo-p!" "No way! It's tickle torture for you!" "Get off Chou-kun!" The girl screeched and dived on the pair of them.  
  
Hoji stared over with a blistering look before he aimed a kick at the mass of wiggling flesh. Unfortunately for him a hand shot out of the pile, clutched his ankle, and dragged him in, which made him scream for help, which Soujirou, being such an overly obliging boy, responded to and bent over. That was all it took to make a giant dog pile.  
  
Only half mindful of the mess just a few feet away, I considered. What would convince Chou to abandon his hard-clung to opinion? Unless we were lucky and he would just randomly snap, he would need to be convinced. Except I think it was pegged well when Kamatari said he just cared for himself. I had seen it too many times in the past, and maybe felt it too, not to recognize it.  
  
"Gaaah!" Chou sputtered and escaped… right under my dress.  
  
One hefty, not to mention well-deserved, kick later he was staring dizzily up at me. I wasn't even going to ask about the lack of hair, which would now be turning a lovely shade of purple.  
  
"Why'd ya do that?" He sputtered.  
  
"You know why."  
  
"T'aint like it's nothin' I ain't never seen 'fore." He muttered balefully and rubbed the tender spot. "Although, ya know…"  
  
"More men have seen me than woman have seen you. I don't need to hear what would come out of your mouth next." I said, cutting him off. He looked properly rebuked and shut his mouth. How crude.  
  
"Looking up lady's, and I use the word rather loosely here, dresses now? You're going to completely tarnish my reputation!" Kamatari chided, looking rather displeased. Probably he was unhappy about his bruised head. "I should make you pay for that."  
  
"Go 'head, I dare ya!" He snarled back.  
  
"Boys, and I do mean boys, is the world all about being macho for you two? To me it seems like you have much more pressing problems." I reprimanded. Hmph, since when was I their mother? I almost wished I were, if only to paddle their rears.  
  
"I'm just pointing it out." Kamatari remarked airily, trying to sneak around me to get at Chou. I shot out a hand and did something I've always want to do!  
  
SMACK!  
  
"Hey!" He yelped and jumped back like I'd electrocuted him (if only). He rubbed his dishonored head and glared.  
  
"Do you need a time out?" I asked with underlying glee. Just try me again, I secretly urged.  
  
"No… you're a mean mommy!" He glared, "I promise to be good! Promise, promise!"  
  
"Sure." Chou snorted skeptically.  
  
"Doomed!"  
  
"I think Hoji-san may have a point." Soujirou agreed.  
  
I sighed.  
  
Usually I didn't mind being surrounded by males, but this time… sigh.  
  
"Listen, I don't have time to sit here and make you two behave." I grumble, suddenly losing interest in this whole thing. It was a big headache.  
  
Kamatari shrugged, "My offer still stands. After all, everyone needs a friend." I could think of several people who didn't, starting with Hoji, but I didn't voice that out loud. We were trying to get Chou to comply. If that made me a 'yes man' for the moment, I'd happily, not really happily, go along with it. For a time anyway.  
  
"Chou-kun has friends." The girl defended stoutly.  
  
"Sure, Chou-chan, Chou-kun, and Chou-san."  
  
"Kamatari!"  
  
"What? It's true. He's a perfect example of a self-contained egotist. He doesn't think he needs friends because they won't always agree with him. He doesn't want a friend per se, just a lacky… well, in theory? Three words: get a dog."  
  
Chou seemed to consider this and finally cautiously said, "And that's… bad?"  
  
"No."  
  
"It seems lonely."  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
"You're too stupid to have friends."  
  
Yes, that last one was Hoji.  
  
He glared between us, "Ya ain't got an answer."  
  
"There is no answer." I tell him. "It's called an opinion. Get one."  
  
"Oh, I think he has plenty of opinions. In fact, he's quite opinionated, aren't you Chou-chan!"  
  
"Would ya stop that?"  
  
"See? An opinion. He doesn't like –chan being added to the end of his name. Even though I think it's kind of cute."  
  
"It would be better if he were a dumb rock." Hoji grumbled, looking worse for wear with his acquaintance with the wall. "Then he'd just agree and Shishio-sama would never find out about this folly."  
  
"Fin'! Just stop naggin' meh!" Chou exploded. "Fin', I'll be yer friend, 'kay? Ya hear that Kami? We're all buddy-buddy now!"  
  
Kamatari cocked his pink-haired head and said deliberately, "Say it only if you really mean it."  
  
Chou made a face.  
  
"And you owe me some apologies."  
  
"Don't push it."  
  
"You do!" Kamatari pouted, "And I apologies for the numerous insults and hiding your swords and calling you –chan even though I knew you hated it. Forgive me?"  
  
This was the crucial point. If he said no, well, screw it to hell. They'd never be more than casual enemies. But if somehow Chou could click the cogs in his brain and decide to set aside some pride, we might actually make it through this!  
  
He looked around with a grumpy expression. Soujirou nodded encouraging while Chou's little girl friend looked slightly miffed about the whole thing. Kamatari looked hopeful and I bit back a snort. That was one thing I couldn't stand about him: his optimism.  
  
"Fin'."  
  
"Yay!" Kamatari screeched and dashed towards Chou joyously.  
  
An advance with Chou gracelessly avoided. Not that it mattered because Kamatari went flying past him in a daring tackle. I say daring because if that little demon had done that at any other time I would have killed him… I may still kill him!  
  
Two strong arms latched around MY Shishio-sama and a face buried in MY Shishio-sama's robes. If that wasn't grounds for murder I don't know what is.  
  
"Wha' the fu--." Chou's wail in Kamatari's voice was cut off and abruptly relocated across the room, slightly muffed. Funny, I would have thought there'd be a magical flash of light or something. "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Kamatari I'm gonna fuckin' KILL ya!"  
  
Guess not.  
  
A/N: yay, the end . Don't kill me... Don't you hate it when you know what you want to do, but can't make it work? I rewrote this stupid ending so many times... Also, if Yumi seems off... consider the fact I haven't written a female POV since May-- Anyway, thanks everyone for the R&R (or even just the R). Sorry it was so late. MA had to e-mail me to make sure I was still alive and that kind of made me finish this. I'm sinking in three out of four classes ( I HATE discussion classes and math --). Lalala, okay, I need to finish Strays, don't I? And TPT... and geez... -wanders off-  
  
Carrie the Open Minded: Naw, don't say that! I'm sure you'd of done an awesome job with it . -wrinkles nose- Yeah, the lipstick is kind of offputting. LOL, an idea you say?  
  
Wistful-Eyes: You get a cookie for the most constant reviewer (::) -hopes cookie shows up- And I'll remind you that YOU'RE to blame for this ending X.X Poor Shishio, that's his cameo.  
  
Darkygurl11: Glad you like it -  
  
unicornfan: Kamatari is one of my fav characters, and I don't know why! Maybe because I tend to like underdogs. Nuriko is so funny! I've only read the first two manga and I'm trying to find time to watch some of the anime, but he's great! I think my fav. line was "I have the spirit of a woman!" 


End file.
